Epic Fail

Epic fail. More to come. Go Twins.

On a quick side note, Ryan Braun has hit like .001 since our scathing review of Remetee. Addison WILL house you with bad mojo. We're out in the ether like that.

Yahtzee!

Rejoice, blue-clad perverts! Fire up the bugles and blare away, Incontinent Five! Let the wonderful news ring from the mountain tops! Milton Bradley has been suspended for the remainder of the 2009 campaign!

I SAID FIRE UP THE BUGLES, INCONTINENT FIVE!



That's much better.

Yesterday, Bradley pulled himself from a start versus the Cardinals, saying that his knee was "too sore to go." This would be the second time in a handful of days that he'd decided on his own to pull himself from a game. In addition, Bradley chose to follow up his intense and awkward interview session from a few days ago with another intensely awkward Q&A, this time with Bruce Miles of the Daily Herald. Miles interviewed the eternally disgruntled outfielder after Saturday's no-play and, after getting no response to a few reasonable questions, was able to get Bradley to reply to this one: has he enjoyed his first season in Chicago?

Bradley: "Not really. It's just not a positive environment. I need a stable, healthy, enjoyable environment. There's too many people everywhere in your face with a microphone asking the same questions repeatedly. Everything is just bashing you. You got out there and you play harder than anybody on the field and never get credit for it. It's just negativity. And you understand why they haven't won in 100 years here, because it's negative. It's what it is."

Asked to clarify- did he mean fans? Media? The Cubs themselves?

Bradley: "It's everything. It's everybody."

So he must regret ever coming to Chicago then.

Bradley: "No, I made the decision. It is what it is."

-=-=-

There had been some speculation between yesterday's no-start and today, before the suspension was announced, that the Cubs were going to shelve Bradley for the rest of the season on the Injured Reserve list. According to the Trib:

"The Cubs are on the hook for the second season of Bradley's three-year, $30 million contract, but they could buy out the third year for $2 million if he is on the disabled list at the end of 2009 with a knee injury and is not on the active roster by April 15."

So why not put the IR tag on him and buyout the contract for $2 mil when 2011 rolls around? Because they don't want to deal with him in 2010. Apparently, Hendry has had enough of Bradley- now, after an entire year of his crap- to discipline him. Hendry is an imbecile, and he's surrounded himself with players from the same cut of cloth. It's easy to imagine Lou, holed up in his office and wearing only a jockstrap, chugging handle bottles of vodka cold water like he's a baby calf being fattened for the slaughter.

So, it's on to greener pastures for the Cubs, eh? Check out this list of steaming crap that you can put out in right field next year via free agency:

Bobby Abreu (36)
Jermaine Dye (36) - $12MM mutual option with a $1MM buyout
Brian Giles (39)
Vladimir Guerrero (34)
Eric Hinske (32)
Geoff Jenkins (35) - $7.5MM mutual option with a $1.25MM buyout
Gabe Kapler (34)
Austin Kearns (30) - $10MM club option with a $1MM buyout
Jason Michaels (34)
Xavier Nady (31)
Randy Winn (36)



Times were simpler then. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, jackass.

My Favorite Player

There's just something about his swing... Nothing else like it. The best. If time machines are ever developed, I'll be spending a whole bunch of time at Fenway Park, 1939-1960.

RIP, Teddy Ballgame. Greatest hitter there ever was.

Royally Screwed

Kansas City Royals - 11
White Sox - 0

Kansas City's Luke Hochevar went the full length today, and shut out the Sox in the process. I repeat, Luke Hochevar just threw a complete game shutout on us. He came into the game with a 6.23 era, and we only got three hits on him. Let me restate: Luke Hochevar just pitched a complete game, three hit shutout against the Sox. Wait a minute. Let's try that again. Okay. Luke Hochevar just completed a three hit shutout against the Sox, and went the full length of the game. Luke Hochevar just tossed a complete game, three hit shutout, against the Chicago White Sox. Nope. Not getting easier to type.

Moving along, Sox pitchers got lit up. 8 of the 9 Kansas City starters got hits, and all 9 managed to get on base throughout the game. Billy Butler and Miguel Olivo, in particular, made life difficult for us tonight. Butler went 2-for-2 with 3 walks, scored 3 runs and drove in 2. Olivo and his Latin rage hit two separate 2 run shots, and drove in 6 runs total on the day.

In summation:

WANGO TANGO! WANGO TANGO!



An interesting tidbit from Joe Cowley's twitter feed: "Jenks may have sealed his fate for a trade this winter. Bye big guy." Apparently he was spotted last night joking and goofing around after blowing his 6th save of the year. Oney Guillen certainly spotted this, and broadcast it for the world to read. I'm guessing that means Ozzie saw, and probably Kenny as well... Kenny has been pissed as of late, from everything I've heard... not the time to mess around, Bobby.

As a possible result of this, and in conspicuous fashion, both Joey Cora's and Oney Guillen's Twitter accounts don't exist anymore. They were both up before noon today... Oney has been accompanying the team lately, and pretty much tore them a new one- alluding to the fact that Jenks should/will be gone, and pretty much echoing his father's sentiment that the Sox are terrible. Both accounts have been getting mention on The Score today, and I have to assume that somebody within the front office put the kibosh on the Twitter feeds.

Joey Cora's Twitter feed had a joke on it this morning:

Q: What do a mama bear on the pill and the World Series have in common?

A: No Cubs.

-=-=-

If Kenny was resisting the idea of rebuilding, and was holding out on the title window of the '05 remnants... I think this team's performance makes it apparent that the window is closed, and locked.

Chicago Baseball: "What Else You Got?"

Mariners - 4
White Sox - 3
In 14 Innings

The Sox.

Ugh.

God, the Sox just... can we please just forfeit the rest of the year already? I don't even know what else to say about my favorite club at the moment. I'm so disappointed with them. Their level of play is completely unacceptable. I now understand why parents send their children off to the mall summer camp boarding school the Russian black market to be sold into sex slavery.

According to the Sun-Times, Ozzie Guillen and his neverending spew of expletive-laden gold has apparently hit the linguistic version of "peak oil"... check out this gem that he dropped after the loss...

‘‘I’m only going to say two things; I’m tired, and I don’t have anything ... it was 2 hours of satisfaction and then 2 hours of horse shit baseball. Go and ask them. I don’t have any more quotes, seriously. What the fuck am I going to say- they horse shit? Yes, they are.’’

Before the game, Guillen had this to say:

‘‘This is a tease, man. It’s like when you have a girlfriend and you are kissing her all over the place and you get to the mambo, and she says no. That’s where we are right now. That’s the way we are."

So, the 2009 White Sox are a horse-shit tease of a team. I can't help but completely agree.

As far as some preliminary discussions with regard to 2010 go, here's just a sprinkling of thoughts:

• Josh Fields: he will be moved in the off-season, according to the Sun-Times. Here's a very telling quote from Fields in terms of his mentality: "I think I can be a big-league third baseman, but I know I'm a big-league player." Josh is brimming with confidence, as you can see. With the presumed departure of Jermaine Dye after this season, and without Jim Thome on the club, the DH slot could be left open to Paul Konerko and his old man legs. I have to assume that Podsednik's offensive output this year is an anomaly, and that he'll return to Earth. So, provided this occurs, and Podsednik isn't our full-time DH, wouldn't that open up a defensive spot for Fields at 1st? I'm not sure I necessarily even like this idea per se, but Fields has proven that he's got some pop at the plate, and has done a serviceable job at 1st... The DH conundrum for the Sox is incredibly foggy to analyze, being that there are more than 1-2 guys on this team whose gloves you want to hide behind the DH rule. Can't we just DH them all?

• Freddy Garcia: The Sox are, by all accounts, going to give "The Big Sweat" a contract extension to be #5 next year. I like it. That would set the rotation at something along the lines of Buerhle-Peavy-Danks-Floyd-Garcia. I think the idea of Gavin Floyd being a #4, when he'd be a #2 on many National League clubs, is reassuring. Of course, these are pitchers that we're talking about, so they could easily suck beyond belief next year... though I doubt that.

• White Sox bullpen: to blow it up, or not to blow it up? That's the question. In my opinion, I think that they should trade Jenks while he's still got some value, before he's due for arbitration (January 19, 2010). Since his last contract was 1 year @ $5.6 million, I've got to assume that his next contract is going to be well above what Kenny/Reinsdorf are willing to pay a closing pitcher. Why not try shaking the Brewers' tree? They love overpaying old/washed up closers, and Jenks isn't really old or washed up. Thornton could step in as the closer, and DJ Carrasco is the only other guy you've been able to consistently rely on this year. $5M for Linebrink next year. Ouch. Check out the payroll estimates here...

• Chone Figgins. My Best Man & diehard Sox fan TS Hardman, esq. and I got into it with regards to Figgins coming to the South Side next year. TS maintains that Figgins will be 32 years old and demanding a contract to the tune of 4 years @ $44M, perhaps more. TS is of the persuasion that giving more than 2 years to a speedster at this age would be a mistake. I can't disagree with the speculation there- however, what I do know about Figgins is that he is an excellent fielder and would be a defensive upgrade at any position the Sox put him in. That's another thing I love about him; he's played every position in his career except pitcher, catcher, and first base. The anomaly of Figgins' defensive play is that he plays his worst at third base. Where do the Angels have him? Third base. If he came to Chicago, he'd be blocked there by the Golden Boy, so I don't think his fielding at the hot corner is much of a topic to examine. Defense aside, it's hard not to be intrigued by a guy who's batting .300 and getting on base at a .400 clip. I know some of that is attributed to who bats around you, but regardless, those numbers would rank #3 and #1 if Figgins were wearing a Sox uniform. His 28 doubles would put him at 2nd. He has swiped 42 bases, which places him head and shoulders above the next leading Sox runners (Podsednik 27, Getz 25). His OPS of .791 actually puts him 3rd on the Sox, behind Konerko and Beckham- which is pretty impressive when you see that Figgins has only hit 3 home runs this year. He's also scored 107 times. The Sox leader: Jermaine Dye, with 72 runs. I understand that Anaheim is a better team than the Sox, but that only goes so far in explaining Figgins' production. We'll see... It's a gamble to roll the dice on a speed guy at this stage, but his numbers are very hard to dismiss. Who knows- Anaheim could resign him, or the Yankees might just give him something ridiculous like 8 years at $176M, because they're the Yankees and concepts like "prudence" and "money" are hard for them to grasp.
  

-=-=-

Now, on to the interesting happenings up in Boystown:

MILTON BRADLEY ASS-HAT WATCH UPDATE



Apparently, people having the nerve to interview Milton Bradley after the Cubs' 7-4 loss to Milwaukee weren't received all too well. According to Gordon Wittenmyer of the Sun-Times, the post-game interview of Bradley went down like this:

Asked about a problem with his legs, he (Bradley) said: ''I'm not talking about that. What else you got?''

Reporter: "Why did you come out of the game?"

Bradley: ''I got knee inflammation. I got two knee surgeries, and that happens when you got knee surgery, in case you don't know. What else you got?''

Reporter: "It flared up?"

Bradley: ''What else you got?''

Reporter: "How long will you be out?"

Bradley: ''What else you got? You got anything significant?''

Reporter: "An injury is significant."

Bradley: ''What else you got? What else you got?''

Reporter: "Was there a problem after you came out?"

Bradley: ''What else you got? I mean, you got any real questions?''

Reporter: "Lou wouldn't do a postgame; that's pretty rare for him."

Bradley: ''If I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, either. What else you got?''

Reporter: "Trying to find out what happened."

Bradley: ''You got some baseball questions, I can answer them. But [if not] I ain't got nothing for you.''

Reporter: "So you came out because of the knee?"

Bradley: ''You got anything else? I mean, broken record.''

Reporter: "That was a strange scene."

Bradley: ''It's strange? It's strange when a guy hurt comes off [the field]?''

Reporter: "Yeah, I didn't see a trainer, didn't see the pinch-runner go out there first."

Bradley: ''OK, it's strange.''

Reporter: "The scene was?"

Bradley: ''I'm out.''

With that, Bradley headed for the exit.

So what made this all happen? What was the root of all of this? In the sixth inning, Bradley pulled himself from the game without the consultation of a trainer or his manager. He just called time, and walked slowly to the dugout and up the tunnel to the clubhouse without a word, leaving Pineilla in the lurch. Lou didn't even hold a post-game press conference, opting to hole up in his office and drink "water":

"Once in a while, I don't have anything to say, and sitting in my office here and just having a bottle of cold water, it helps me relax a little bit, and you all can't get my goat as easy. Every day, somebody else is hurt on something different. It gets frustrating. It really does. I mean, it seems like every day there's something else that goes wrong here. Remember, this is a major league season of 162 games, and you've got to have people who are capable of going 162 games to the post."

"Cold water," huh? I mean, I guess it's clear.

Poor Lou just sounds so defeated... and from what he's telling his friends, he won't be dealing with this for too much longer. Godspeed, Lou. I know you'll find your special spot on the floaty thing in the pool (with a bar in it of course), and you can spend your twilight years just floating along, enjoying countless "bottles of cold water" with those little colorful umbrellas in them... just listening to "Kokomo" or some such thing. It sounds like paradise.

Are We There Yet?

White Sox - 6
Mariners - 3

I think that my feelings on the current White Sox campaign are best summed up by the following:

I don't know what to say. This has been the most mediocre season in a while, and I'm ready for it to be over now please. The '07 team was awful, but at least they fully committed to suck. This team is streaky, and that's a lot worse in my opinion. It's certainly more difficult to watch. Anyway, I've been ready to be done with 2009 for a while now when it comes to the Sox. I'm ready to take in playoff baseball!

Ahh... 2010. You can't be any more frustrating than this year... can you? I can't wait to get to the free agency period- to see who comes, and who goes. I can't wait to learn about new prospects. To see if Thome makes his return. I can't wait to see that rotation roll out- Peavy to Buerhle to Danks to Floyd to... hey- I can't wait to see who's our #5! I can't wait to see Gordon Beckham continue to grow, hopefully in a lineup anchored by an actual leadoff hitter. There's a lot of questions about next year, as there are every year... but there's a decent amount to be excited about. The team coming into this season looked terrible, any way you break it down. I feel like Kenny has taken steps to improve them as well as set us up to make further improvements in the very near future. Let's just get there please!

The only thing I'm not looking forward to in 2010 is the return of Scott Podsednik. In my world, that's equal to the Predator solving Dutch's trap, and walking around the log. Fuck you, Podsednik, you dick. I hate that I have to watch them roll your incompetent ass out in a White Sox uniform again next year.

The Palehose are currently duking it out with those juggernauts of the Pacific Northwest, the Seattle Mariners. The score is 6 to Don Wakamatsu's Bulge, in favor of the Sox. It's the 9th, and surprise, the Sox are trying their best to blow the game. I don't know. Who gives a shit anymore. I'm done with this incarnation of my franchise. It is dead to me.

So whaddya say, Seattle!? Let's all have ourselves a good time, and head on down by Pike Street Market to watch a bunch of paint-huffing, coffee-swilling wharf people chuck dead fish around.

UPDATE: Sox win! EXPENSIVE SILK UNDERGARMENTS FOR EVERYONE! Sox are 5.5 back, but I'm not holding my breath.

Eyes on the Prize: PITCHERS & CATCHERS REPORT IN 152 DAYS!

The Extra "E" is for Elegance: Big Papi's Grille

I had way too much fun breaking down Ryan Braun's tragi-comic attempt at a clothing line to stop there. I wanted more. So I spent the better part of this morning scouring the internet for more examples of horrible athlete branding. I'll eventually get to Jim Edmond's restaurant and Carl Crawford's clothing line, but for now let's focus on the ICBM of MLB'er extra-curricular activity: BIG PAPI'S GRILLE

Open since July, Big Papi's Grille caters to the upscale, adventurous foodies of Framingham, Mass. You know, the gastro-nerds who'll try anything. By anything, I mean steaks and pasta dishes. From the horses mouth:

“Meals are a time when my family, like many families, comes together,” said Ortiz.
“It was in the Dominican that I first developed my love of cooking. My hope is that Big
Papi’s Grille will be an integral part of the local community, bringing people together over a
great meal to create unforgettable memories.”

He then added:

"Theo say if I strike out as much next season that I have to play Mexican League ball with Ellsbury and kid with funny shaped head. No mas stike outs, Mr. Theo".

The best part of this story is that, according to the press release, Ortiz ostensibly bought his favorite steakhouse and threw a new name up on the marquee. Not a fan of ribeyes, say you? Quoth the presser:

"The menu will be greatly expanded to offer a wide variety of entrées, including salads, pasta, and gourmet burgers with handcut fries."

So this is obviously for those special Farmingham summer nights when the mall food court just won't do. I'd post a link to the website, but it's currently under construction. Seriously? in 2009 a website can still be under construction?

True Patriots

I can only hope that 200 years from now, the Washington Cosmos of the Doritos Spaceball League will feature an Obama avatar with a massive head and an anti-gravity pack.

Remetee Clothing: The New Tuxedo T-Shirt

Tonight the Cubs (sans Soriano, who's having season-ending surgery) get ready to square off against Milwaukee's Best for the last time this season. Never a dull moment with these two teams, until tonight. It will be dull. If you're a Chicago baseball fan, you're already in Bears mode moving to an abandoned school bus like Chris McCandless, or have other things on your mind: CLUBBING!

Now when I'm about to hit the clubs in Chicago, I spend a minimum of three hours grooming. I wash, rinse, and repeat with my BLAGO SHAMPOO. I make sure my goatee is perfectly symmetrical. I get out the old trusty MDMA kit and test the stash. Then I spend an hour on which Ed Hardy shirt I'm going to wear. Sometimes I rock the camo, other times I'm feeling the baby blue...depends on what pendant I'm wearing out. But you know what? Sometime I think Ed Hardy isn't gaudy enough. No, I need some real, real flashy, tacky shit that says "hey I've been to Sturgis, but I'll also pound Sparks and dance ironically to Soulja Boy at the clubs in Milwaukee." If you're like me, then look no further than the Brewers' own Ryan Bruan, and his clothing line.....REMETEE.


Just say that word out loud. Let it roll off your tongue. It will take you at least three or four times before you're able to figure out, "Oh, ok...like 'REMEDY'....ok, yeah I get it." It's the perfect mix of bad pun and awful spelling, like the athelete equivilent of "DECAYDANCE". So stupid. The idea for Remetee probably hit Braun as he was lamping in the cut with his boy, your boy, all our boys....CC.

• CC: AYO BRAUN! CHECK ME USE THIS ASIAN GIRL AS AN ARMREST, B!
  
  
• RB: UH, COOL MAN. HEY HAVE YOU MET LARISSA? SHE'S 1/3RD COMANCHE AND SOME OTHER SHIT, AND WORKS AT A TANNING BOOTH. FREE TANS!
  
  
• CC: UH, I'M BLACK, SON. GET AT ME WHEN YOU FIND A GIRL THAT WORKS AT AUNTIE ANNE'S PRETZELS, OK?
• 
  
• RB: DO YOU DIG MY SHIRT? KARL KANI! ALSO, CHECK THE LID--20 BUCKS AT CHESS KING!
• 
  
• CC: FOR THAT BUSTED ASS KANGOL? YOU LOOK LIKE A GAY DETECTIVE. AND WHAT'S WITH THE SHIRT? ARE YOU AT A CHURCH SOCIAL IN JULY? ARE YOU A SEXY BARTENDER? LOOK AT CC! LOOK AT ME! XXX-L T SHIRT. GIRLS LOVE THAT SHIT.
• 
  
• RB: REALLY? MAYBE WE COULD MAKE OUR OWN T-SHIRTS...FOR CLUBBING!
• 
  
• CC: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WE", KEMOSABE? IF YOU THINK MY BLACK ASS IS STAYING A MINUTE MORE IN WISCONSIN THAN I NEED TO, THEN YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY. NEW YORK STATE OF MIND!

Remetee is the reason athletes go broke when they retire. It's like the last days of the dot-com bubble, where start-ups were able to pry millions of dollars out of investors for a website where you could mail-order milk. Ryan Braun is about to ruin athlete-owned clothing lines for good. He'll make good on the promise of Zubaz. Let's take a look at the fall lineup:


This one is particularly cool, because it manages to combine two white-hot trends: looking like an Avenged Sevenfold fan and putting your arms over your head in an anguished pose. Also, someone forgot to tell Braun that just because the screenprinter cuts you a deal, it doesn't mean you have to use every color the factory has. This looks like a hit-and-run victim at a low-rider convention

If you can't tell, these girls are extremely excited for the chance to extend their own personal brand by wearing clothes that Vince Neil's hookers on retainer wouldn't be caught dead in. Bonus points to whichever triplet actually bedded Braun (trick question: they all did).

"If you would've told me ten years ago that today I'd be driving a PT Cruiser, popping oxycontin, getting a penis piercing and dressing like a punch-drunk MMA fighter, I would've laughed you right out of the board room."

I know what you're thinking: "Ryan! I'm not a stripper, a clubhouse attendent, or various Milwaukee detritus! Can I represent Remetee?" If you're Chris BIRDMAN Anderson, then yes, you can!

Grady Sizemore looking positively GQ in this Nightshade/Bleached out mess. As if he didn't have the clubs of Clevo locked down before. Look out Brady Quinn!

Fellow Brewer Bill Hall, making sure he doesn't run into anyone he knows while he's got Braun's stupid fucking t-shirt on. He better be getting paid for this. Call his manager.

Nothing says "touch of class" like JJ Hardy in a Remetee Skull shirt. Jesus Christ, this wouldn't even past muster at the airbrush t-shirt stand at the mall.

And last but not least, the creator, dressed in what will no doubtedly be the fashion craze of Kansas State University in '10.

REMETEE!

Cubs Baby Hoax

If anyone missed this yesterday, it turns out the story about an infant Cubs fan named "Waitle Nex Yeare" was all a hoax. Thank God that nonexistent kid won't have to get her ass kicked on a daily basis for the next 20 years of her life.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Reds Fan

As we head into the last 3 games of the year against the Reds, I'm flooded with warm memories of Chicago/Cincy series past: guzzling Dionysian amounts of $5 (!!!) draft beer at Great American Ballpark, Mr. Redlegs and his gay/turn of the century pugilist mustache, Dusty Baker bringing his tacklebox into the dugout, and um, all the wonderful culture offered by the city of Cincinnati (red: Skyline Chili). You know you're visiting Failsville when everyone who lives there tells you the cool part of town is on the Kentucky side of the river. Holy moly.

It's not easy to sum up the Cubs-Reds rivalry in a few sentences, but the closest approximation is how Sox fans view the Twins: you know you can beat them if you're on your game, but they find a way to peck and claw and knock out one-run homer after one-run homer until you realize it's the 8th inning and, oh shit, you're down 4-0. If I had a dollar for every time the Reds enacted that EXACT same scenario against the Cubs over the years, I'd probably have 20 bucks or something. It's the most frustrating kind of loss, and for a couple of years I felt the losses more than the average Northsider.

That's right. I dated a Reds fan.

During our initial courting session, I learned that she was a baseball fan, and not in the "my boyfriend likes baseball so I'll pretend to like it" vein. She was a dyed in the wool Reds fan whose grandfather had worked in the Reds farm system and was known throughout the midwest as being a John Ballgame worthy of praise and respect. She went to the same high school as Scott Rolen, a fact that was an endless source of pride for her. She would go on 20 minute rants about how she'd be at every one of Rolen's games, and how much pure talent he had, and how the Phillies fans were bastards that didn't appreciate what they had in Rolen during his first few seasons. She had dogs named after Reds players: Sabo, Griffey, and the dog we had together, Charlie Hustle. She cried when Dave Concepcion's number was retired. She threatened to divorce me (we weren't married, or even engaged) in the future when I said I was buying our firstborn a little Cubs outfit. And she was serious.

She hated the Cubs with a true, deep fervor--a seething hate I haven't seen from anyone but Woe'Sox and Cardinals fans. She hated everything about Cubs culture: the loveable loser tag, the uniforms, and the yuppy tendencies of Wrigleyville residents. She would go out of her way to stare down girls in pink Cubs hats. She'd yell at the drunken fratboys who accidentally clipped her an errant beanbag. She even harbored some secret (and not so secret) resentment towards my old man, as stubborn a Cubs fan as you'll meet, for giving me good natured shit for dating a Reds fan.

So.

Despite all of these warning signs, I agreed to take her to a Cubs/Reds game at Wrigley a few years ago. Before we left the house, I made her promise to stay cool no matter what happens, and to take everything in stride. "Please don't take every heckle so personally," I beseeched. "They're meant for Adam Dunn, not you." She promised to keep her cool, as she was layering up in all her Reds gear.

The keeping of the cool lasted 3 innings, or about 2 beers.

The Reds went up on us early with a (suprise, suprise) two-run shot by Adam Dunn, which automatically stoked the flames in the pleasure center of her brain. I was scared. This was a powder keg that could blow at any minute. Soon, she started to get mouthy. First with me, telling me that I supported a shitty team (not untrue - ed.), and then with the gathering of burly Mexican men who were assembled in the row in front of us. They started jawing back and forth for a while, until the group's ringleader...A CUBS FAN...turns to me and asks me to "get [my] bitch under control, or I was going to be the one who paid for it."

Normally the girl in this situation would be able to size things up, sober a little, and try and make peace before her 130 lb boyfriend got a few raps on the Jack Johnson, right? This was even better. She started yelling at them "Don't you threaten him, this is between you and me, motherfuck", etc, etc.

The circumstances of how we defused the whole thing escape me (hell, I was getting pretty drunk), but I think it involved an 80 year old usher coming down and giving us all the evil eye until we stopped bickering. That, or we were all temporarily thrown off by the dixeland-jazz stylings of the Incontinent Five.

No more than 5 minutes later, she was getting into it with a pink-Cubs hat clad Lakeview girl, and BOTH HER PARENTS. There were threats of beer pouring on heads, ass kicking, road-housing, etc. It was around this time that I reached my breaking point, and told her we were leaving, and we only went to one or two more games together, and NEVER another Reds game.

We're no longer together, which makes every Cubs/Reds series a little bittersweet for me. The most important thing to take away from this little anecdote is this: I fall for girls that have a little bit of the crazy in them, because, as a Cubs fan, I'm a sadist.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cubs - 6

Reds - 4

Four in a row, dudes. Let's play out the string.

Beer Is Always Worth It.

Another great article in today's Wall St Journal, which is quickly becoming the Freakonomics of baseball, or at least it's Farmer's almanac. WSJ looks at beer prices, and whether or not a team's winning percentage has an effect on them. Well?

Surprisingly, it does. A team with a .600 winning percentage charges, on average, about $1.30 more for a 16-ounce beer than does a team with a .400 percentage.

According to this article, Cubs fans should be getting happy hour prices.

Late Night Excitement's in the Air!

Too bad it has nothing to do with White Sox baseball. For some unknown reason, I'm up following tonight's installment of "Crumbling Season Theatre"... it's now going into the bottom of the 13th inning, 3-3, and the Sox haven't scored since... the 2nd inning.

So far, the Sox have thrown: Freddy Garcia, Matt Thornton, Tony Pena, Bobby Jenks, and Octavio Dotel. Pena gave up the tying run in the 8th. Asshole. I hope Kenny was looking good and deep into the crystal ball when he coughed up Brandon Allen for you, Mr. Pena. So far, you've pretty much made me feel like I'm suffering from all the expected symptoms following a severe overindulgence in buffalo wings. Drippy. Burnt. Not good.

WELL I'LL BE! As I write this, good readers, AJ Pierzynski has just doubled off of the wall in left center to bring Alexei Ramirez in for the game-winning run! I guess good things do come to those who wait! Let's make it official:

White Sox - 4
Athletics - 3

On the night, the positives included Freddy Garcia having another strong outing for himself (6 IP, 5 H, 2 ER)... according to Sox beat reporter Joe Cowley, Garcia's posted a 3.33 ERA in his last 4 starts- 2 of which have been against Boston and New York. I agree with Cowley's assessment that it would be worthwhile for the Sox to pick up Freddy's option for next year. Hell, it can't be worse than Bartolo Colon or Esteban Loaiza, right? Let's just make sure that the clubhouse is well-stocked with towels, because nobody sweats more than Freddy Garcia. Nobody.

Okay, well, pretty much nobody.

Scott Podsednik, determined to make me look like an asshole, had a 4-hit night for himself. Good, you dick. I'm glad that you're tearing the cover off of the ball right now. You go and get that platoon role locked up for yourself in '10! Just don't forget how to field while you're busy hitting so much! I kid, I kid.

Negatives: Alex Rios dropped a Scott Hairston pop fly for his 2nd error of the year in the top of the 13th. Know your role, Rios. The bumbling of routine fly balls is reserved for those whose last names end in the suffix "odsednik". Actually, that's not really fair. Bad outfield play is reserved for anyone who plays left field in Chicago. Except Sam Fuld, apparently. That dude eats brick walls like Napoleon ate the Ziggy Pig in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure." Awesome.

Jermaine Dye went 0-for-6 at the dish tonight. Ouch. Ouch, as in "Ouch! I just gnawed off my own leg to get out of this beartrap!" JD is seemingly determined to play his way right off of this team- a large accomplishment considering every member has more or less played their own weight in buffalo chips over the past month. That's right. We're getting all Oregon Trail up in this bitch, and Jermaine Dye just came down with measles after fording the Snake River. I don't expect to see the Sox picking up the Dye option for next year. It's too bad to think that this is how Jermaine's going to end his Sox days. That's baseball, I suppose.

-=-=-

Next Up:

White Sox @ Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Floyd v. Saunders. I'm not being sarcastic; I'm gonna make a point to catch that one just to watch the starters.

Never Trust Dudes In White Shoes

Athletics - 11
White Sox - 3

As if the last series versus a playoff contending team hadn't actually happened, the White Sox came out in the first game versus the visiting Oakland Athletics with about as much grace as this, minus the UN referencing in faux-Ivy League tonality... but definitely, definitely just as awkward and painful to take in.

The hapless A's (62-76) hung 20 hits up on the Sox pitchers tonight. All six of the miserable bastards. Our pitchers were more run-prone tonight than a tourist with irritable bowel syndrome pounding Mexican tap water by the gallon. The A's 6-9 batters, who average about .252, had 8 hits. Ex-Sox Ryan Sweeney had a good day for himself, going 4-for-6 and scoring three times. My brain hurts.

What goes up... must come down. Carlos Torres, who shut out the Cubs and limited them to 5 hits in his last start, was pulled tonight after just 2 outs. Torres let in 5 earned runs off of 4 hits and a walk, which forced Ozzie Guillen to go to his rented mule (DJ Carrasco) in the top of the 1st. Not good. Carrasco, who has been one of the more dependable arms out of the 'pen this year, just... wasn't there tonight. By the time that DJ's stats were closed out for the night, the Sox trailed 8-0.

From there, the revolving door to the bullpen just kept spinning. Surprisingly, only 3 more runs were allowed past the 4th inning for Oakland. I'd chalk it up to wanting to hurry things up so they can go clubbing with Cutler and Greg Olsen.

Offensively, the only bright spots were a 2-run homer by Mark Kotsay in the 4th and a solo shot by Paul Konerko in the 6th.

Tonight's "Let's Make an Error!" winner: Alexei Ramirez - #18 of the year. Sigh... Derek Jeter's made seven this year, and he's got herpes.

Oh, and just to make tonight's loss a little sweeter? Both the Tigers and Twins lost. Not that we need to... win... or anything...

Labor Pains

Voila! There's the offense! The White Sox had a good home series versus the Wild Card leading Boston Red Sox, winning 3 of the 4 contests over the Labor Day weekend. This thumping of the Beantown fucks comes just over a week after they punished an extremely underperforming White Sox club in the pinball machine that is Fenway Park. This much-needed retribution leads me to the ask the inevitable question:

How you like them apples, Matt Damon?

Red Sox starting pitcher Paul Byrd, opting to add "White Sox lineup" to the list of his personal struggles somewhere in between "pornography" and "using enough HGH to stay competitive but not enough to make my testicles atrophy", let in 7 runs in his start at US Cellular Field. Hey, Paul? The Warren Spahn windup thing was neat the first few years you did it and all, but... it's not holding water. Perhaps that's why pitching technique evolved beyond windmilling your arms willy-nilly and high-kicking your lead foot like a jackass? Here's a thought: put down the vintage nudie mags, and talk to your pitching coach. Or, just keep struggling with your porn. I don't care. Either way, you're ugly and you suck. White Sox 12, Boston 1.

In game 2, Gavin Floyd up and decided to set a career-high for himself in strikeouts, fanning 11 BoSox batters in 8 full innings. Everyone's goin' to Sha-Booms! White Sox 5, Red Sox 1.

Game 3 was a classic letdown. Johnny Danks only let in 3 runs over 7 innings, but then Octavio Dotel couldn't make it to the locker room before he filled his own drawers up with steaming diarrhea. No run support for Danks. Again. I don't know if John Danks can afford to look more pissed. Red Sox 6, White Sox 1.

Game 4 was a classic Mark Buehrle performance; aka "I'm gonna let on plenty of runners, but somehow I'm gonna manage to squeak out of every situation and let in one run." After Buehrle's month and a half long hangover following El Perfecto, it was a welcome sight. I mean, there's a lot in my book that you're entitled to after throwing a perfect game, but I was starting to worry. White Sox 5, Boston 1.

-=-=-

Next up, 2 games versus the Oakland A's, who we've struggled with this year. Trap series, anyone?

Injury Update: Gordon Beckham pulled an oblique muscle in the Saturday game vs. Boston, and is supposedly on track to be back in tomorrow. Thank God. I don't wanna lose your love tonight, Gordon.

Manic Panic

WGN Radio's Dave Kaplan blogged the following headline yesterday: "The Cubs Need to Sign the #1 Free Agent This Winter" Nice! You got me, Kap. We totally do! We should sign Adam LaRoche. Or maybe go out on a limb and sign Manny Ramirez with that Ricketts $$. There are a lot of Scott Boras clients out there this year, but we can file down his horns and low-ball. It's the economy, stupid! So I clicked thru, and immediately smelled sulfur and heard the gnashing of teeth....



LARUSSA!

Tony LaRussa coaching the Cubs? I've heard stranger suggestions, but not many. This is a man who made his dark, evil bones painting targets on the backs of Cubs batters, and never passed up the opportunity to rush the field and chest bump/swear at Cubs skippers, especially Dusty. There were some EPIC Dusty/LaRussa battles; battles that rivaled Ali-Frazier, Maris-Mantle, Frost-Nixon, and Pedro-Zimmer. These meetings of the mind (and ass) were often so heated that the deciding factor was usually who could chew a toothpick the hardest.

Now I'm not one of those stupid baseball fans who refuse to have anything to do with players/coaches from rival teams (see: the stupidity level of the ongoing Yanks/Bo'Sox "If you leave me for them you're dead to us" crap). I'm all for making the Cubs better, and I have to say, I think the addition of Tony LaRussa and (even better) Dave Duncan would make us a World Series contender off the bat. Duncan has been able to wring pure gold out of jobbers like Joel Pineiro, so imagine what he could do with a rotation of Zambrano, Ted Lilly, Randy Wells, Jeff Smardjiza, etc.

Plus, as much as I love Lou, we all know he's checked out. He's counting down days in between paychecks, trying new recipes, drinking Singapore Slings, etc. The fire has gone out. It's no one's fault, Lou baby. It's not you, it's us. It's not us, it's you, whatever. We just want you to know how important your friendship is to us, and whatever happens, we don't want to screw that up. We're just in different places right now. Plus, you fucked our ex-girlfriend, and that's just not cool and you know it. Hope we're cool, though. Check out this year's model:

Walk the Plank, You Loser

Cubs - 4
Pirates - 2

Ted Lilly and Derek Lee formed like a two-lion Voltron (Red and Black, natch) to dispatch the Pirates this afternoon, in what was a rainy, sludgy, affair that meant nothing to no one but radio producers on rain delay duty (*ahem*) and long-suffering Pirates fans, the latter of which now have the dubious title of MOST LOSINGNESS BASEBALL FANS EVER. 17 straight seasons of losing ball, and oh what a ride it's been! Here's some things that have happened since the last time the Bucs finished above .500:

• Fall of Apartheid


• Collapse of the Soviet Union


• mp3s, ipods, etc


• The time I drank a bunch of Apple Pucker and puked in the bushes

I really, truly do feel bad for the fans, who've dealt with white flag season after white flag season. The Bucs are perpetually stocked with great farm kids, who are cherry picked at will, often by teams in the NL Central! The Cubs have turned it into an artform, absconding with Aramis Ramirez, Tom Gorzelanny, Randall Simon ,etc. Ok, so maybe Randall Simon doesn't belong on that list, but dude smacked that sausage, and would hit 700 ft homers onto Waveland. The hero of my summer, 2003:

Part of me feels bad that Bucs fans have to put up with the indignity of their mascot being co-opted by shitty, kickball-playing hipsters. Although the Pirate vs Ninja thing has died down in the past couple years, it's stain on pop-culture remains, like a dirty brackish line on the wall of McCarren Park Pool. Yeah, living in Pittsburgh would suck unless you're Michael Chabon or Ben Huck-It-Chuck-It Football, but no one should have to be embarrassed of their baseball mascot due to human garbage like this:

This was the team of Clemente, Stargell, Bonilla, Bonds, etc. Take back your pride, people of the 'burgh. Dan and I will help, if you want. We're free.

New Yuck

The Cubs hope to capitalize on their momentus, chillbump-inducing brand of total team baseball Orbitz travel points as they head east to beautiful new Citi Field to play the godawful NY Mets, whose only bit of good news is getting David Wright back from injury.

Anyone who listens to Pat and Ron call games on the 50,000 watt blowtorch, WGN Radio 720, knows that Ronnie has no love for the Mets, and hated every second of every minute spent in Shea Stadium due to bad food, bad vibes, and a torched toupe. My Dad went to Shea a couple of times to see the Cubs, and verified that it was indeed a rat-hole, and staffed with zombie-eyed Queens residents, one of whom flat out rejected my Dad's request for a hot dog. It went something like this:

Dad: "Um, hello. Let me just get a hot dog and a beer."

Woman working concessions: "No."

Dad: "What? No?"

Woman: "We ain't got none"

Dad: "Ain't got none of what? The beer or the hot dog?"

Woman: "Yeah"

Dad: "Well, which one is it?"

Woman: "Both"

This exchange sums up Shea nicely, I think. And that big dumb Apple.

I'm out of town this weekend, but I'll try to check in with the usual pinpoint analysis of America's Team.

To everyone in NYC: you think you're cool, but your town smells like hot garbage. You have soul-sucking new media jobs that require you to attend themed parties. You make $80 K a year, but you live in a Park Slope walk-up with 5 roommates and still struggle with the rent. You and your friends are all morally bankrupt, and all the cocaine and PBR in the world won't keep the demons from clawing your eyes out on your deathbed.

"The Grass Was Too Big"

White Sox - 5
Cubs - 0

The Chicago White Sox didn't seem to win yesterday's game so much as the Chicago Cubs seemed to lose it. In particular, a certain left fielder seemed to take it upon himself to shoot his own team in the foot whenever he got the chance.

The free-swinging, jumping-while-catching Alfonso Soriano went 0-for-4 on the day at the plate, striking out three times. In the top of the 8th inning, with the Sox leading 1-0, he botched a routine fly ball off the bat of AJ Pierzynski. Gordon Beckham scored from first base as a result of the error, and when the dust settled, Pierzynski stood on third with nobody out. Pierzynski scored later in the inning to put the Sox up 3-0; Soriano's error was clearly the play of the game.

Soriano's explanation: "I tried to catch the ball after I lost my balance, but I think the grass was too big. I'm not making an excuse, but that was the first time it happened where I slipped trying to catch the ball."

Wait, what? I'm sorry. Did you just say that... the grass... was too big? I don't even know where to begin to addressing that. Secondly- and Jarrett probably has a better estimate on this one than I do- I'm sure that this wasn't the first time that Soriano has slipped trying to catch a ball. Just say it: "I overran the ball after misjudging it and couldn't recover. I made a mistake. I need to work on my outfielding technique." You know, take some responsibility for your own actions. Or, just blame it on the grass... being too big. Whatever floats your boat.

To cap off his big day, and as if knowing that I were going to write this piece, Soriano struck out swinging to end the game. He fanned on the third consecutive curveball he was fed... anyone wanna bet what the scouting reports say about how to pitch to Fonsie?

Poor Lou. No wonder he looks and acts so defeated all of the time. Listen to him talk about the loss here... he seems so resigned to his fate. Before, I just kinda thought he was slipping in his old age, and losing some of the notorious edge that he once possessed. But I'm beginning to believe that Lou, having been a major league outfielder for his entire career (and on some damn fine teams) is literally dying as a result of observing the Jim Hendry assemblage of outfielders. I mean, the corner positions are both manned by designated hitters who can't field a lick, to whom $111 million dollars are going after this year. That doesn't even factor in the Fukudome signing, where Hendry gave big-time money to a completely unproven player- to the tune of $26.5 million through 2012. That's an awful lot of bad, in total- $137.5 million dollars' worth. When Hendry inked these contracts, I bet his desk was too big.

Way to be, Jim Hendry. You're killing Sweet Lou.

-=-=-

Tonight's Sox Matchup: Boston

Pitchers: Paul Byrd (1-0, 0.00) v. Freddy Garcia (0-2, 5.94)

Never Mind.

I'd Rather Be Bowhunting

One of my absolute favorite things about baseball players, and something I often forget about, is the fact that these guys are jocks, and a good majority of them enjoy doing burly, jockish things in their downtime. Ask Dan--I LOVE talking about some of the more redneckish behavior. It's like watching a dog whose bred for doing a certain task. Much like a collie has eons of herding instincts in him, Josh Beckett has an unseen hand guiding him to pound Coors Original while bowhunting for turkeys and turning over ATVs.

Cubs pregame host Judd Sirott (nephew of Bob) just interviewed Addison's own version of a calendar fireman, Micah Hoffpauir, and we learned the following:

• In the offseason, he is obsessed with duck hunting
• He is "addicted" to hunting TV shows
• His wife rags on him for watching the Sportsman Channel all day (motto: "All Hunting, All The Time")

I think I love him 10x more, though I think Lou needs to get Clint Barmes on the horn so we can get Micah some proper training in carrying deer meet up a flight of stairs.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Wall St Journal had a great article today about basball's "Chattiest TV Announcers", based off how many words per minute they speak. Vin Scully ranks first. No suprise there, as Vin runs that solo. Dan McLaughin, the asshat Cardinals broadcaster, ranks 2nd. Len Kasper and Hawk Harrelson were almost a dead heat, with Len belting out 71.5 wpm, and Hawk uttering 70.9. Check the list out here.

And lastly, congrats to Derek Lee on the birth of his his second child. As much as I love Micah, Derek has been our rock for the past 5 years, and he deserves another big payday from someone, if not the Cubs.

In Summation

Let's Dance

Time to get your hair "set", ladies. Tomorrow's the "big day" that we've been waiting for since June 16th. The rain-postponed finale to the 2009 edition of the Crosstown Classic is set to pop at 1:20pm locally within the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. I, for one, can't... wait?

On June 16th, when this game was supposed to be played, the Cubs were out of first place in the NL Central by 4.5 games. The Sox were 3 back of the Tigers. I wish that were still the case, because it would place some semblance of meaning upon this game, other than the typical chest-beating and "pride" issues that seem to fester deep within the populace (thank you, ESPN). As it stands, however, the living dead that make up Chicago baseball stand a collective 17.5 games out of first. That's right, I just made up a "united, we suck" stat. Bill James, eat your little heart out.

This year was a new experience for me with regards to the whole Cubs/Sox thing. For the first time, I can actually say that I was over it. Sure, watching the Sox beat the Cubs makes me happy, happier than most victories- but I'm not finding much enjoyment in spewing Cubs hatred anymore. That's because, when you get to the bottom of it, you're dealing with two mediocre clubs who aren't going to do a damn thing in October*... other than fish or golf. Interleague games tend to have zero bearing on much of anything, so what incentive am I given to actually care about the outcome? If the Sox swept the Cubs this year in Interleague play, would they suck any less? All that matters is World Series rings.

One aspect of the Crosstown rivalry which I will always enjoy watching is the dynamic of AJ Pierzynski versus Cubs fans. Lots of booing, jeering, and *actual* hatred flies out of the seats towards AJ... and he just thrives on it. One reason that I like AJ Pierzynski is because sometimes, it's really fun to get behind the bad guy. And, for the record, Michael Barrett is still a chump for that sucker punch, and I'm glad that Zambrano dotted both his eyes, tossed his bitch ass face-first into a locker, and knocked him unconscious... after which Barrett was admitted to Northwestern Hospital to undergo CAT scans to ensure that he hadn't sustained any permanent brain damage from the beatdown. he's a nice young man who should do very well for himself in a new playing environment. Nothing to see here. Keep it moving, people!

The Sox come into the makeup game after a miserable road trip in which they went 2-8. In the last month, the Sox have been dead last in batting average (.239 as a team). The Pittsburgh Pirates are the only other team in the Majors with a problem of that magnitude; they're actually tied point-for-point with the Sox in their pathetic output. To be honest, however, both the Sox and Cubs have spent the last month playing like shit... the Cubs just seem to be playing slightly less like shit than their friends down 90/94 have been.

And hey- pitching fun! It's Ryan Dempster (4.15 ERA 149.2 IP) vs. (gulp) Carlos Torres (6.75 ERA 9.1 IP)!

Predictions: Since negative scoring does not exist in baseball, I'm unable to predict an outcome for tomorrow. I predict that fans of both teams will, at multiple points in the game, want to hang themselves. In short, the game should ideally serve as a microcosm of one of the more frustrating Chicago baseball seasons in recent memory. Probably something like 3-1, flip a coin for the winner. I don't even care anymore.

* - If there were an all-Chicago World Series, I would find myself flipping squad cars and smashing out store windows up and down the Magnificent Mile with the rest of you pagans.

-=-=-

Oh yeah, I forgot my game summary of the dramatic 9th inning win over the Twins today:

Sox - 4 Twins - 2

We actually got to Joe Nathan, and we actually won in the Metrodome in Twins-like fashion.

Too little, too late.

Goodnight room, goodnight moon, goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light and the red balloon. Goodnight bears, goodnight chairs, goodnight kittens, and goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks and goodnight socks, goodnight strange multipurpose stadium.

Ted Lilly Will Mangle Your Soul

Cubs - 4
Astros -1



WILD CARD BOUND!


Rick Telander (who "calls it as he sees it", which is daring) has a piece in today's Sun Crimes about the twin failures of Chicago '09. This is lazy journalism at it's finest: bitching about the Cubs and the Sox fading yet again, boring quotes from the coaches, etc...oh wait. Ok. I'm back on the posi-train from here on out. Blue skies and sing alongs.

Randy Wells pitched well last night, as he does against the Strohs (14 scoreless innings in two previous starts against Houston), striking out four and allowing one unearned run despite allowing 7 hits. Wells also became the first Cubs rookie in over 10 years to win 10 games, and has truly been a bright spot for us this year. Cubs fans expected Jeff Samardzija to become our own Joba Chamberlin, but he obviously needs some more work, and as Gordon Wittmeyer points out, he's going to get it, along with other Cubbie future arms Jeff Stevens, Justin Berg, and TOTAL STUDS Micah Hoffpauir and Andres Blanco. I love Derek Lee like he's a member of my family, but Hoffpauir is the 1st baseman of the future, and the sooner we all realize that, the better. And no, this is not a repeat of Hee Seop Choi, but thanks for asking. And no, this is not a repeat of Hee Seop Choi, but thanks for asking. See what I did there? Head injury.

Last game of the series with Houston today, and we've got Lilly pitching. Allow me to opine for a minute. When Jim Hendry signed Ted Lilly in the '07 offseason, I was slightly skeptical. Here was a middle-of-the-road guy, not exactly a spring chicken, who was mostly known for getting into a bit of the old pugilistic arts with then Blue Jays' skipper John Gibbons, who had taken him out of a game when Lilly wasn't ready to leave. We kept hearing that we were either going to sign Lilly or Gil Meche, which is sort of like being really hungry on a road trip and having to choose between a scary offramp Applebee's or a Speedway hot dog. But you have to eat, and we had to sign a pitcher. Hendry manned up and signed Lilly from a hospital bed, a heroic task that has been eroded from our collective memories, and for the past three years we've been rewarded with a steely-eyed, hard-nosed pitcher who consistently nets 12 or more wins, whips lollipop curveballs like water balloons, and is the TRUE anchor of the rotation. The guy you knew could come in the day after a Zambrano meltdown and throw 7 innings of 3-hit, 1 run ball. The stopper. All this despite Cubs hitters falling down on their faces every time he pitches. Seriously, Google "Ted Lilly Run Support" and check out how many articles and game recaps pop up detailing "gutsy" Lilly performances with zero run support. There almost needs to be a statistic named after him in Baseball Prospectus.

So, Ted. Thanks. I'm glad we got you, and not Gil Meche. What kind of name is Gil Meche, anyways?

Let's send the Astros and Roy Oswalt home on his stupid fucking bulldozer.

Tomorrow is the unneccessary Cubs-Sox make-up game REDLINE CLASSIC!