Not Your Father's Gonzo

Gonzalez for Konerko in Three-Way Deal with Anaheim?


Thanksgiving is almost here, and we Sox fans might have something to actually be thankful for this year, besides putting that steaming piece of shit which was our last season to bed, permanent-like. It was like a biblical shit-storm. Like, God himself rained fire and brimstone on Sodom, Gommorah, and the 2009 Chicago White Sox. And not even in that order.

Speaking of Godly events and converting an entire populace from sin to see the light, the rumor mills are circulating word that Kenny is trying to hack out a three-team deal which would bring slugger Adrian Gonzalez from the depths of hell out in San Diego and get him in the mix at US Cellular Field, where pitchers go to die.

(Except for Scott Linebrink, who- like a platypus- has failed to meet extinction and manages to survive on with no real purpose other than looking ridiculous. The platypus is an excellent swimmer; I'm not sure what the hell Linebrink is good at. Oh wait, now I remember: hanging fastballs for people to piss on. That's right. Yeah, he's really good at that.)

Anyway, back to the half-full glass. Adrian Gonzalez can hit the living shit out of a baseball. He hits it like Sammy Sosa hits his wife: hard, and unapologetically. If he puts on a Sox uniform, I would think Gonzo would be one of the best hitters to wear it since Frank Thomas in his prime. Don't believe me? Check out his stats from last year:

160 games played, 153 hits, 27 doubles, 40 home runs, 99 runs batted in, 119 walks, a batting average of .277, an on-base percentage of .407, and an on-base plus slugging figure of .958.

Where do I sign my name on this thing?

His full-season averages look pretty tasty as well: 168 hits, 36 doubles, 32 homers, 98 rbi, a .281 batting average, and an OBP of .362. I would love to see a power-hitting left-handed bat like this right smack in the middle of our lineup... that isn't necessarily Jim Thome. Yes. Yes please.

Here's another couple of perks: Gonzalez is only 27 years old, and- here's the best part- he's cheaper than a fucking case of Schlitz. He's scheduled to make $4.75 million next year, and then make $5.5 million with a club option in 2011. I think I'd take that option.

Now, the catch: vaya con dios, Paul Konerko. You'll finally be going to Anaheim. And see you later, prospects: Tyler Flowers, Daniel Hudson, Jordan Danks, Dayan Viciedo, and Brent Morel have all been named as possible chips to be sent to either Anaheim or San Diego. I don't mind the idea of us shipping out any/all of these prospects, because after hearing names like Lance Broadway/Charlie Haegar/Aaron Poreda being talked up like the second coming of Maddux/Smoltz/Glavine by Hawk Harrelson and Phil "The More Foot You Show The Hotter I Get" Rogers over the past x years, I'm pretty much over our evaluation of player development... and Gordon Beckham doesn't count in the collective shitpile of Sox prospects, because even Stevie Wonder could see that kid could rake in college.

Ah, the silence...

I am at peace with my idea of Paul Konerko. He's been tailing off in the past few years, and he also has a $12 million contract hanging over us like Black Death 1400something. I love Paulie, he'll always be one of my favorite Sox players, but if losing him can in any way bring us Adrian Gonzalez, then don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, old timer. It's been a treat.

In summation, Konerko to Anaheim with prospects, Sox/Anaheim prospects to San Diego. Adrian Gonzalez to Chicago. Good day.

-=-=-

In other news, Buerhle won a Gold Glove, which is great and all except for the part where people win Gold Gloves with pretty much zero merit defensively. See also: Derek Jeter winning one this year. Anyway, it's cool for Buerhle to get some acknowledgement, congratulations!

In other award news, Bacon didn't get Rookie of the Year. He actually finished 5th in the voting, behind Jeff Niemann (TB), Rick Porcello (DET), Elvis Andrus (TEX), and the big winner Andrew Bailey of Oakland. I don't think they factored the quality of these players' respective hair-dos into the voting process. Writers.

-=-=-

And to close, Kenny says that Chone Figgins is too damn expensive. We knew this anyway. Just please don't bring back Podsednik. Then again, if you bring us Adrian Gonzalez, you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want. I'll be agreeable.

Crosstown Catchup

Nothing in the way of critical news to report here, but just some things to catch up on:

1. According to a report from Bob Dutton of the KC Star, Mark Teahan did in arrive with $1 million, which makes me feel pretty smart with my little calculator, and my pocket protector, and my abacus, and my Poindexter playing the violin in one of those "Revenge of the Nerds" movies. Awesome. The more I think about this trade and its implications to our defensive positioning, the more I like it. I think that Gordon Beckham being at second is going to improve Alexei Ramirez as a shortstop. Double plays are going to develop more quickly coming from Bacon, and Alexei's going to have to properly position himself to roll up the tail end of those plays. The ball will be coming, quickly and accurately, to the bag. No more of the "40 feet from the bag in double play scenarios" positioning. Alexei won't be able to get away with that as much, in theory. We'll see if I'm right about this.

2. According to Tim Kurkjian, both the White Sox AND the Cubs could be in on the Chone Figgins sweepstakes. Personally, I feel like Tom Ricketts might be a bit financially tied up as far as his team is concerned, thanks to Jim Hendry's abhorrent use of the franchise's coffers over the last few years. At this point, I am pretty sure that he'd be a stretch for the Sox as well. I like Chone Figgins, but I don't like him at all for around $12M per year for four years... Oh, and the Orioles are also contenders for Figgins, apparently. Wake me up when Earl Weaver is managing the Orioles again.



Managers used to be managers. Now they're all... math professors.

3. Also, the Cubs will have to go a few ways this offseason, according to Kurkjian:

"The first point of business will be trading volatile outfielder Milton Bradley, but they likely won't be able to do that without picking up most of the two years, $20 million left on his contract. Then they have to sign, find or trade for a dominant personality for that clubhouse -- they haven't replaced the leadership they lost with the departures of Mark DeRosa and Kerry Wood last offseason. And, with the way their offense fell off last year, they have to find a big bat for the middle of the order, someone even bigger than Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez, and someone much, much better than Alfonso Soriano."

4. According to MLB Trade Rumors, the White Sox would be a good fit for a short-term deal with Vladimir Guerrero. I'm not sure how I'd feel about this. Just for shits and giggles, I ran a comparison of three hypothetical solutions for the White Sox at DH for next year: Vlad, Dye, and Thome. The results can be found here.

All three players are clearly on the downslope of their respective careers. This makes sense, because they're all pretty old. I still think think Dye makes the most sense. Thome walks a lot, but he also strikes out at a fair clip. Vlad doesn't strike out as much, but he also doesn't take as many walks. Dye seems like the middle ground to me.

Teabaggin' & Hypothetical JD

Rumor mills have Sox swapping Getz and Fields for KC utility guru Teahen: more to follow?


According to multiple sources, the White Sox are in the process of acquiring Kansas City Royals jack of all trades Mark Teahen for second baseman Chris Getz and "third baseman" Josh Fields. The deal was announced as complete all throughout the day on Chicago's WSCR-670, but as of yet has not been officially confirmed. What's the holdup?

According to the Sun-Times White Sox beat reporter Joe Cowley: "There were still talks about the possibility of minor-league prospects being involved."

The notorious/exhalted/all-powerful Brian Kovar of STATS weighed in with his professional opinion. He felt the White Sox may have given up too much for Teahen. Could the Sox be getting back a prospect or two in return for giving up two of their own younger players? Don't get me wrong here, I never for one second felt that Getz and/or Fields were the building blocks of a championship contending team... but they certainly have the potential to be serviceable. Fields could make a decent/replacement level first baseman with good enough pop at the plate, and Getz showed that at times he could actually hold his own at the top of our lineup this year. The fielding needs work for both of them, but on the whole they weren't bad players. They weren't exactly good players, however, and that must have been enough in Kenny's mind to send them packing. That's life, I suppose. And that's certainly baseball.

According to most sources, Teahen is slated to start next year in right field. My "bullshit meter" is just blaring. Last year, Teahen hit 12 home runs. Dye- he of the incredible and all-encompassing second half slump- hit 27 of them last year. That's well over double the power output that Teahen provided for his club, and Jermaine had a historically bad campaign from July onward. Where in the presently anemic lineup do the Sox get those 15 home runs back? You certainly can't lean on Carlos Quentin (he might break). Kenny Williams is well aware that his ball club is a home run hitting team, in a home run hitting ballpark.

Here's what I see:

I think Kenny is going to go after Chone Figgins first and foremost, and be quickly outbid by someone else. Plan B?

How's this for a possible scenario: Sox management guilt trips the living hell out of Dye for his shoddy performance (the public has been since the first week of July), and ink him to a short-term "hometown" deal. It really makes sense: he wants to stay here, his family is rooted here, and we've clearly put up with off years before (cough Paulie cough). He's a solid presence on the team, he's a respected leader, and he was a keystone to our winning the Series in '05. Plus, he wanted to choke out Orlando Cabrera last year, which clearly shows sound judgment on Jermaine's part.

All this aside, Dye's second half performance certainly couldn't have earned him much in the way of leverage in the free agent market. Jermaine Dye is getting old, and commanding very little. His mobility in the field is decreasing, and his bat is (now, thanks to last year) suspect. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but this is exactly why I believe he is primed to be the White Sox designated hitter. They're going to let him test free agency, and when he can't land a deal even remotely close to what his option with the Sox would have been ($12M), he's going to come back. In a way, you can argue that the 2009 slump of Jermaine Dye could be a very good thing for the 2010 club.

Remember when Kenny dicked around with Buerhle when contract time came around a couple of years back? Yeah, me too. And that was a "pride of the franchise" type of guy Kenny was playing slap 'n tickle with.

Let's be honest: even if Jermaine sucks beyond belief next year, he should be capable of doubling up, power wise, on the "replacement level" of outfielder which Kenny Williams has set for his 2010 club (Mark Teahen and/or Mark Kotsay). I'd like to see Figgins at the top of our order, but I've steadily become more and more convinced that it's not going to happen... especially now that the Yankees just won it all. Nancy, fire up the pipes. Figgins is gone.

I think Dye's coming back.

Let's say this happens just as I'm saying. If they resign Dye, where does Teahen go? #4 outfielder? I don't think so. He could well be the new third baseman. Teahen played 107 games there last year, and has played the bulk of his career at third (363 at third, 261 in right). The sudden Getz absence opens things up a bit for the Sox: Alexei could shift over to second, where he will have a much harder time screwing up routine outs. He clearly had focus problems last year, which is not something you can afford from your shortstop. I also like the idea of Alexei's offensive numbers coming out of the 2B position. Bacon could then scoot over to short, which is his natural position.

Let's say Figgins falls through, AND someone else inks Dye... I think that then, and only then, Jim Thome gets called back to play. Teahen takes over in right/third, depending on possible moves.

So, in short, Teahen is insurance against losing an actual starting right fielder, and he could actually be our new third baseman. Here's wishful thinking: Teahen's defensive range factor numbers line up comparably at this stage in his career to Joe Crede's range factor numbers, circa 2004. This might be the last sentence I will ever type, for the thundergod Rowand may strike me down with a bolt of lightning from the heavens at any second.

...

I'm still here. Phew. Clearly, the god of XTREME OUTFIELDING has little time to meddle in the affairs of a peon such as myself. Thank you, oh merciful one. You are the Grindiest of Grindy. He was probably too busy skydiving on the back of a tiger and pounding enough Red Bull to kill six men twice over.

You selfish heathen. Don't you realize? That is Aaron Rowand's sacrifice for YOU: XTREME MARTYRDOM- HE HAS CAST HIMSELF INTO THE DEPTHS OF XTREME AWESOMENESS TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR DULL, MUNDANE EXISTENCE!

DOUBLE U DOUBLE U DOUBLE U DOT REMETEE DOT COM ON A LIGHTNING BOLT

LAZERS AND BMX FLIPS

DRAG RACING AND PYROTECHNICS

Anyway, to close my original point, Mark Teahen was also the #39 pick in the 2002 draft, so he obviously had the pedigree to stand out to the talent scouts. Maybe the Kansas City coaching staff could only get through to him to a point? Some quality time with Joey Cora should improve him... and even if he is a slight downgrade from Beckham at third, he'll still be an upgrade from Fields at third.

-=-=-

Terry Boers, whose baseball knowledge I greatly respect, is steadfastly maintaining that Tampa is a team who is in need of a closer. Namely, Bobby Jenks. Tampa is also a team that has Carl Crawford. I would honestly donate my testicles if it meant that the Sox could have a shot at acquiring Carl Crawford. Now THERE'S a top of the order guy for all you Scott Podsednik apologists to watch. See how he doesn't get picked off? See how he can actually track a ball when he's in the field? Revolutionary!

Speaking of Podsednik, Cowley says "There were initial talks with Scott Podsednik to re-sign with the club, but that might have been nothing more than a PR move by the club, allowing them to stall and find out the asking price for Figgins in just over two weeks." Talk to him all day, but I beg of you, do not sign him. Last year was a mirage, and I hope to God that Kenny wasn't fooled... we'll see who was. I bet the Nationals sign him.

-=-=-

Aside from the hypothetical, more reality: the Sox re-signed Mark Kotsay. 1 year, $1.5 million. For a backup outfielder and a backup for Paulie, I like it. I'd rather have Mark Kotsay as my #4 outfielder as opposed to DeWayne Wise or Brian Anderson. Although, I still pine for Anderson's glove. If he could just have learned to bat .260... sigh.

It's when you're pining for Brian Anderson that you know your post has gone too far. Good night.

Chicago Baseball: "What Else You Got?"

Mariners - 4
White Sox - 3
In 14 Innings

The Sox.

Ugh.

God, the Sox just... can we please just forfeit the rest of the year already? I don't even know what else to say about my favorite club at the moment. I'm so disappointed with them. Their level of play is completely unacceptable. I now understand why parents send their children off to the mall summer camp boarding school the Russian black market to be sold into sex slavery.

According to the Sun-Times, Ozzie Guillen and his neverending spew of expletive-laden gold has apparently hit the linguistic version of "peak oil"... check out this gem that he dropped after the loss...

‘‘I’m only going to say two things; I’m tired, and I don’t have anything ... it was 2 hours of satisfaction and then 2 hours of horse shit baseball. Go and ask them. I don’t have any more quotes, seriously. What the fuck am I going to say- they horse shit? Yes, they are.’’

Before the game, Guillen had this to say:

‘‘This is a tease, man. It’s like when you have a girlfriend and you are kissing her all over the place and you get to the mambo, and she says no. That’s where we are right now. That’s the way we are."

So, the 2009 White Sox are a horse-shit tease of a team. I can't help but completely agree.

As far as some preliminary discussions with regard to 2010 go, here's just a sprinkling of thoughts:

• Josh Fields: he will be moved in the off-season, according to the Sun-Times. Here's a very telling quote from Fields in terms of his mentality: "I think I can be a big-league third baseman, but I know I'm a big-league player." Josh is brimming with confidence, as you can see. With the presumed departure of Jermaine Dye after this season, and without Jim Thome on the club, the DH slot could be left open to Paul Konerko and his old man legs. I have to assume that Podsednik's offensive output this year is an anomaly, and that he'll return to Earth. So, provided this occurs, and Podsednik isn't our full-time DH, wouldn't that open up a defensive spot for Fields at 1st? I'm not sure I necessarily even like this idea per se, but Fields has proven that he's got some pop at the plate, and has done a serviceable job at 1st... The DH conundrum for the Sox is incredibly foggy to analyze, being that there are more than 1-2 guys on this team whose gloves you want to hide behind the DH rule. Can't we just DH them all?

• Freddy Garcia: The Sox are, by all accounts, going to give "The Big Sweat" a contract extension to be #5 next year. I like it. That would set the rotation at something along the lines of Buerhle-Peavy-Danks-Floyd-Garcia. I think the idea of Gavin Floyd being a #4, when he'd be a #2 on many National League clubs, is reassuring. Of course, these are pitchers that we're talking about, so they could easily suck beyond belief next year... though I doubt that.

• White Sox bullpen: to blow it up, or not to blow it up? That's the question. In my opinion, I think that they should trade Jenks while he's still got some value, before he's due for arbitration (January 19, 2010). Since his last contract was 1 year @ $5.6 million, I've got to assume that his next contract is going to be well above what Kenny/Reinsdorf are willing to pay a closing pitcher. Why not try shaking the Brewers' tree? They love overpaying old/washed up closers, and Jenks isn't really old or washed up. Thornton could step in as the closer, and DJ Carrasco is the only other guy you've been able to consistently rely on this year. $5M for Linebrink next year. Ouch. Check out the payroll estimates here...

• Chone Figgins. My Best Man & diehard Sox fan TS Hardman, esq. and I got into it with regards to Figgins coming to the South Side next year. TS maintains that Figgins will be 32 years old and demanding a contract to the tune of 4 years @ $44M, perhaps more. TS is of the persuasion that giving more than 2 years to a speedster at this age would be a mistake. I can't disagree with the speculation there- however, what I do know about Figgins is that he is an excellent fielder and would be a defensive upgrade at any position the Sox put him in. That's another thing I love about him; he's played every position in his career except pitcher, catcher, and first base. The anomaly of Figgins' defensive play is that he plays his worst at third base. Where do the Angels have him? Third base. If he came to Chicago, he'd be blocked there by the Golden Boy, so I don't think his fielding at the hot corner is much of a topic to examine. Defense aside, it's hard not to be intrigued by a guy who's batting .300 and getting on base at a .400 clip. I know some of that is attributed to who bats around you, but regardless, those numbers would rank #3 and #1 if Figgins were wearing a Sox uniform. His 28 doubles would put him at 2nd. He has swiped 42 bases, which places him head and shoulders above the next leading Sox runners (Podsednik 27, Getz 25). His OPS of .791 actually puts him 3rd on the Sox, behind Konerko and Beckham- which is pretty impressive when you see that Figgins has only hit 3 home runs this year. He's also scored 107 times. The Sox leader: Jermaine Dye, with 72 runs. I understand that Anaheim is a better team than the Sox, but that only goes so far in explaining Figgins' production. We'll see... It's a gamble to roll the dice on a speed guy at this stage, but his numbers are very hard to dismiss. Who knows- Anaheim could resign him, or the Yankees might just give him something ridiculous like 8 years at $176M, because they're the Yankees and concepts like "prudence" and "money" are hard for them to grasp.
  

-=-=-

Now, on to the interesting happenings up in Boystown:

MILTON BRADLEY ASS-HAT WATCH UPDATE



Apparently, people having the nerve to interview Milton Bradley after the Cubs' 7-4 loss to Milwaukee weren't received all too well. According to Gordon Wittenmyer of the Sun-Times, the post-game interview of Bradley went down like this:

Asked about a problem with his legs, he (Bradley) said: ''I'm not talking about that. What else you got?''

Reporter: "Why did you come out of the game?"

Bradley: ''I got knee inflammation. I got two knee surgeries, and that happens when you got knee surgery, in case you don't know. What else you got?''

Reporter: "It flared up?"

Bradley: ''What else you got?''

Reporter: "How long will you be out?"

Bradley: ''What else you got? You got anything significant?''

Reporter: "An injury is significant."

Bradley: ''What else you got? What else you got?''

Reporter: "Was there a problem after you came out?"

Bradley: ''What else you got? I mean, you got any real questions?''

Reporter: "Lou wouldn't do a postgame; that's pretty rare for him."

Bradley: ''If I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, either. What else you got?''

Reporter: "Trying to find out what happened."

Bradley: ''You got some baseball questions, I can answer them. But [if not] I ain't got nothing for you.''

Reporter: "So you came out because of the knee?"

Bradley: ''You got anything else? I mean, broken record.''

Reporter: "That was a strange scene."

Bradley: ''It's strange? It's strange when a guy hurt comes off [the field]?''

Reporter: "Yeah, I didn't see a trainer, didn't see the pinch-runner go out there first."

Bradley: ''OK, it's strange.''

Reporter: "The scene was?"

Bradley: ''I'm out.''

With that, Bradley headed for the exit.

So what made this all happen? What was the root of all of this? In the sixth inning, Bradley pulled himself from the game without the consultation of a trainer or his manager. He just called time, and walked slowly to the dugout and up the tunnel to the clubhouse without a word, leaving Pineilla in the lurch. Lou didn't even hold a post-game press conference, opting to hole up in his office and drink "water":

"Once in a while, I don't have anything to say, and sitting in my office here and just having a bottle of cold water, it helps me relax a little bit, and you all can't get my goat as easy. Every day, somebody else is hurt on something different. It gets frustrating. It really does. I mean, it seems like every day there's something else that goes wrong here. Remember, this is a major league season of 162 games, and you've got to have people who are capable of going 162 games to the post."

"Cold water," huh? I mean, I guess it's clear.

Poor Lou just sounds so defeated... and from what he's telling his friends, he won't be dealing with this for too much longer. Godspeed, Lou. I know you'll find your special spot on the floaty thing in the pool (with a bar in it of course), and you can spend your twilight years just floating along, enjoying countless "bottles of cold water" with those little colorful umbrellas in them... just listening to "Kokomo" or some such thing. It sounds like paradise.