Yahtzee!

Rejoice, blue-clad perverts! Fire up the bugles and blare away, Incontinent Five! Let the wonderful news ring from the mountain tops! Milton Bradley has been suspended for the remainder of the 2009 campaign!

I SAID FIRE UP THE BUGLES, INCONTINENT FIVE!



That's much better.

Yesterday, Bradley pulled himself from a start versus the Cardinals, saying that his knee was "too sore to go." This would be the second time in a handful of days that he'd decided on his own to pull himself from a game. In addition, Bradley chose to follow up his intense and awkward interview session from a few days ago with another intensely awkward Q&A, this time with Bruce Miles of the Daily Herald. Miles interviewed the eternally disgruntled outfielder after Saturday's no-play and, after getting no response to a few reasonable questions, was able to get Bradley to reply to this one: has he enjoyed his first season in Chicago?

Bradley: "Not really. It's just not a positive environment. I need a stable, healthy, enjoyable environment. There's too many people everywhere in your face with a microphone asking the same questions repeatedly. Everything is just bashing you. You got out there and you play harder than anybody on the field and never get credit for it. It's just negativity. And you understand why they haven't won in 100 years here, because it's negative. It's what it is."

Asked to clarify- did he mean fans? Media? The Cubs themselves?

Bradley: "It's everything. It's everybody."

So he must regret ever coming to Chicago then.

Bradley: "No, I made the decision. It is what it is."

-=-=-

There had been some speculation between yesterday's no-start and today, before the suspension was announced, that the Cubs were going to shelve Bradley for the rest of the season on the Injured Reserve list. According to the Trib:

"The Cubs are on the hook for the second season of Bradley's three-year, $30 million contract, but they could buy out the third year for $2 million if he is on the disabled list at the end of 2009 with a knee injury and is not on the active roster by April 15."

So why not put the IR tag on him and buyout the contract for $2 mil when 2011 rolls around? Because they don't want to deal with him in 2010. Apparently, Hendry has had enough of Bradley- now, after an entire year of his crap- to discipline him. Hendry is an imbecile, and he's surrounded himself with players from the same cut of cloth. It's easy to imagine Lou, holed up in his office and wearing only a jockstrap, chugging handle bottles of vodka cold water like he's a baby calf being fattened for the slaughter.

So, it's on to greener pastures for the Cubs, eh? Check out this list of steaming crap that you can put out in right field next year via free agency:

Bobby Abreu (36)
Jermaine Dye (36) - $12MM mutual option with a $1MM buyout
Brian Giles (39)
Vladimir Guerrero (34)
Eric Hinske (32)
Geoff Jenkins (35) - $7.5MM mutual option with a $1.25MM buyout
Gabe Kapler (34)
Austin Kearns (30) - $10MM club option with a $1MM buyout
Jason Michaels (34)
Xavier Nady (31)
Randy Winn (36)



Times were simpler then. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, jackass.