Twin City Kisses

NEWS FLASH: Rich Harden, flamethrower and explorer of harsh realms of the Winterdemon (he's into metal, man) will NOT be bringing his Sunn 0))) records to the TC. Aaron Heilman will also not be utilizing the weird indoor sidewalk system of theirs. I'm actually jealous of this idea; I'm the dipshit freezing my ass off in Chicago every winter. Give us the indoor heated sidewalk, Daley! Get down or sit down! But yeah, Aaron Heilman sucks, and his name sounds like a condiment. Unless your name is NAMOR, I'm not interested in SubMariners. Pitch like a normal person, you bender. In summation: we get to keep a good pitcher, a bad pitcher, and Craig Finn can go fuck himself.

The Cubs continue to trudge along towards certain doom. By doom, I mean they get to go home and be with their families, go on vacations, spend money like the Democrats, and act like menchildren. This shit is the American Dream

I'm still watching every game, though I must admit that I feel like I've run out of time on the SATs and I'm frantically scribbling in "C" for every answer on the scantron. Tonight we've got the Astros, who I've always loathed, even more so since they added that human error Jose Valverde as closer. I have SHARP, STINGING memories of Valverde doing his weird celebration dance/game face thing on our hallowed ground during the NLDS disaster of '07. If anyone needs to be posited into the pain cave, it's Jose Valverde. I hope his calves explode.

Lastly, this:

Go on, son. Get your Megadeth on. You are really real. You're like our very own version of Lance Henrikson from Alien 3...tape your limbs on, throw in some plugs, and we're go.