Milton Bradley is Kind of a Big Deal

Round 2 of "Milton Bradley vs. The World, 2009 Edition" got off to a rousing start Thursday afternoon at Wrigley Field. After going 0-for-5 and finishing the game with a groundout that dribbled to the 2nd baseman like it came out of an old man with a swollen prostate, Milton came back to the media with more, more, more:

"I'm always the story, whether I hit .500 or hit .100," Bradley said. "Somehow, someway, everything revolves back to me. I guess I'm kind of a big deal or something. People like talking about Milton Bradley. Not to my face, always behind my back."

"I'm kind of a big deal"? I'm sorry, but when did Ron Burgundy start playing right field for the Cubs? And why the hell is he so paranoid that the whole world is seemingly out to get him?

But apparently Bradley hadn't quite given the public his full two cents at that point. He continued on. "Stand out in right field one day and maybe you'll see," he said. "Put on my Jordans one day and maybe you'll see. Walk around and see the world from my eyes, but you can't do that."

I would stand in right field... if I enjoyed your shitty team, or knew I wouldn't be immediately arrested and thrown in a little cage with a fraternity house playing "slap 'n tickle." And I can pick up a pair of real-deal Jordan baseball cleats online for $39.99, you cheap fuck. What are you bragging about!?

"I just go out there and try to give an honest answer, and I don't know why people can't respect that or respect how I feel," Bradley said. "You can't say that a person's feelings are wrong. That's one thing you can't do. Unless you get paid $30 million to play right field for the Chicago Cubs, then you can't speak on how I feel, because you don't know."

I'm glad you're honest. And while I agree fully that I'll never know the feeling of getting paid $30 million to play right field for the Cubs, I can most definitely critique your feelings when it comes to lack of wanting to play... especially when you're stupid enough to go around publicly stating that you don't really want to play to anyone with a microphone.

"You just keep fighting," Bradley said. "I don't have a thesaurus to look up the words to write a great story like reporters might be able to do or write an article. I've just got a bat in my hand and a will and determination to win, and I take that out there every day. Hopefully it shows. Hopefully somebody can recognize that."

Fight the good fight, Milton. You're just a dreamer with a bat and a shot at glory. And the world's out to get you.

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Thanks to MLB.com for the fodder for this post.

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Bad Omens You Should Maybe Look Into Before You Give A Dude $30M:

When Bill James says he's pretty much Carl Everett. (see: "similarity scores")