Gonezo: Fool's Gold

According to Joe Cowley, the whole Adrian Gonzalez trade rumor is completely hearsay and lacks any merit.

Damn you with your journalistic integrity and credible knowledge, Joe Cowley!

Not Your Father's Gonzo

Gonzalez for Konerko in Three-Way Deal with Anaheim?


Thanksgiving is almost here, and we Sox fans might have something to actually be thankful for this year, besides putting that steaming piece of shit which was our last season to bed, permanent-like. It was like a biblical shit-storm. Like, God himself rained fire and brimstone on Sodom, Gommorah, and the 2009 Chicago White Sox. And not even in that order.

Speaking of Godly events and converting an entire populace from sin to see the light, the rumor mills are circulating word that Kenny is trying to hack out a three-team deal which would bring slugger Adrian Gonzalez from the depths of hell out in San Diego and get him in the mix at US Cellular Field, where pitchers go to die.

(Except for Scott Linebrink, who- like a platypus- has failed to meet extinction and manages to survive on with no real purpose other than looking ridiculous. The platypus is an excellent swimmer; I'm not sure what the hell Linebrink is good at. Oh wait, now I remember: hanging fastballs for people to piss on. That's right. Yeah, he's really good at that.)

Anyway, back to the half-full glass. Adrian Gonzalez can hit the living shit out of a baseball. He hits it like Sammy Sosa hits his wife: hard, and unapologetically. If he puts on a Sox uniform, I would think Gonzo would be one of the best hitters to wear it since Frank Thomas in his prime. Don't believe me? Check out his stats from last year:

160 games played, 153 hits, 27 doubles, 40 home runs, 99 runs batted in, 119 walks, a batting average of .277, an on-base percentage of .407, and an on-base plus slugging figure of .958.

Where do I sign my name on this thing?

His full-season averages look pretty tasty as well: 168 hits, 36 doubles, 32 homers, 98 rbi, a .281 batting average, and an OBP of .362. I would love to see a power-hitting left-handed bat like this right smack in the middle of our lineup... that isn't necessarily Jim Thome. Yes. Yes please.

Here's another couple of perks: Gonzalez is only 27 years old, and- here's the best part- he's cheaper than a fucking case of Schlitz. He's scheduled to make $4.75 million next year, and then make $5.5 million with a club option in 2011. I think I'd take that option.

Now, the catch: vaya con dios, Paul Konerko. You'll finally be going to Anaheim. And see you later, prospects: Tyler Flowers, Daniel Hudson, Jordan Danks, Dayan Viciedo, and Brent Morel have all been named as possible chips to be sent to either Anaheim or San Diego. I don't mind the idea of us shipping out any/all of these prospects, because after hearing names like Lance Broadway/Charlie Haegar/Aaron Poreda being talked up like the second coming of Maddux/Smoltz/Glavine by Hawk Harrelson and Phil "The More Foot You Show The Hotter I Get" Rogers over the past x years, I'm pretty much over our evaluation of player development... and Gordon Beckham doesn't count in the collective shitpile of Sox prospects, because even Stevie Wonder could see that kid could rake in college.

Ah, the silence...

I am at peace with my idea of Paul Konerko. He's been tailing off in the past few years, and he also has a $12 million contract hanging over us like Black Death 1400something. I love Paulie, he'll always be one of my favorite Sox players, but if losing him can in any way bring us Adrian Gonzalez, then don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, old timer. It's been a treat.

In summation, Konerko to Anaheim with prospects, Sox/Anaheim prospects to San Diego. Adrian Gonzalez to Chicago. Good day.

-=-=-

In other news, Buerhle won a Gold Glove, which is great and all except for the part where people win Gold Gloves with pretty much zero merit defensively. See also: Derek Jeter winning one this year. Anyway, it's cool for Buerhle to get some acknowledgement, congratulations!

In other award news, Bacon didn't get Rookie of the Year. He actually finished 5th in the voting, behind Jeff Niemann (TB), Rick Porcello (DET), Elvis Andrus (TEX), and the big winner Andrew Bailey of Oakland. I don't think they factored the quality of these players' respective hair-dos into the voting process. Writers.

-=-=-

And to close, Kenny says that Chone Figgins is too damn expensive. We knew this anyway. Just please don't bring back Podsednik. Then again, if you bring us Adrian Gonzalez, you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want. I'll be agreeable.

Crosstown Catchup

Nothing in the way of critical news to report here, but just some things to catch up on:

1. According to a report from Bob Dutton of the KC Star, Mark Teahan did in arrive with $1 million, which makes me feel pretty smart with my little calculator, and my pocket protector, and my abacus, and my Poindexter playing the violin in one of those "Revenge of the Nerds" movies. Awesome. The more I think about this trade and its implications to our defensive positioning, the more I like it. I think that Gordon Beckham being at second is going to improve Alexei Ramirez as a shortstop. Double plays are going to develop more quickly coming from Bacon, and Alexei's going to have to properly position himself to roll up the tail end of those plays. The ball will be coming, quickly and accurately, to the bag. No more of the "40 feet from the bag in double play scenarios" positioning. Alexei won't be able to get away with that as much, in theory. We'll see if I'm right about this.

2. According to Tim Kurkjian, both the White Sox AND the Cubs could be in on the Chone Figgins sweepstakes. Personally, I feel like Tom Ricketts might be a bit financially tied up as far as his team is concerned, thanks to Jim Hendry's abhorrent use of the franchise's coffers over the last few years. At this point, I am pretty sure that he'd be a stretch for the Sox as well. I like Chone Figgins, but I don't like him at all for around $12M per year for four years... Oh, and the Orioles are also contenders for Figgins, apparently. Wake me up when Earl Weaver is managing the Orioles again.



Managers used to be managers. Now they're all... math professors.

3. Also, the Cubs will have to go a few ways this offseason, according to Kurkjian:

"The first point of business will be trading volatile outfielder Milton Bradley, but they likely won't be able to do that without picking up most of the two years, $20 million left on his contract. Then they have to sign, find or trade for a dominant personality for that clubhouse -- they haven't replaced the leadership they lost with the departures of Mark DeRosa and Kerry Wood last offseason. And, with the way their offense fell off last year, they have to find a big bat for the middle of the order, someone even bigger than Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez, and someone much, much better than Alfonso Soriano."

4. According to MLB Trade Rumors, the White Sox would be a good fit for a short-term deal with Vladimir Guerrero. I'm not sure how I'd feel about this. Just for shits and giggles, I ran a comparison of three hypothetical solutions for the White Sox at DH for next year: Vlad, Dye, and Thome. The results can be found here.

All three players are clearly on the downslope of their respective careers. This makes sense, because they're all pretty old. I still think think Dye makes the most sense. Thome walks a lot, but he also strikes out at a fair clip. Vlad doesn't strike out as much, but he also doesn't take as many walks. Dye seems like the middle ground to me.

AS REPORTED, STRANGE THINGS INDEED AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE K

Joe Cowley is now reporting some really interesting stuff. According to Kenny Williams himself, Mark Teahen is now the White Sox starting third baseman. And Gordon Beckham? Second base. Wow... I'm still not quite sure why you wouldn't just flip Beckham and Alexei, but... I trust that Kenny has a good reason for it.

In other Sox news, Williams also is saying that the Sox couldn't come up with an agreement with Podsednik. Thank you, God. Thank you, Kenny, for seeing through the mirage that was Scott Podsednik at the plate, 2009. Cowley has followed up the report on Podsednik with the following:

"Jordan Danks... C'MON DOWN!"

So, if that's true, our outfield group is now:

Quentin
Rios
Kotsay
Danks

Is Rios our new right fielder? The right field free agency pool is complete crap. I don't think that they're going to sign Vladimir Guerrero. Abreu just signed back with the Angels. That leaves only Dye in right as a free agency option, in my opinion.

-OR-

Are they really going to get Figgins? He could play left, Rios in center, then Quentin in right.

The plot thickens.

-=-=-

In AL Central news, the Twins have traded Carlos Gomez to the Brewers for JJ Hardy. I guess they couldn't handle any more Orlando Cabrera, huh? Man, that guy is an asshole.

Lincecum Summers in Humboldt County

From The Columbian, out of Washington State:

Tim Lincecum, star pitcher for the San Francisco Giants and a two-time All Star, is facing charges of misdemeanor possession of marijuana after being stopped for speeding on Interstate 5 in Vancouver last week.

Lincecum, judged as one of the best pitchers in the major leagues, starred for the University of Washington Huskies baseball team and is a native of Bellevue.A Washington State Patrol motorcycle trooper working with a laser device timed a 2006 Mercedes-Benz doing 74 mph northbound in Hazel Dell near Northeast 78th Street at 8:23 a.m. Oct. 30, WSP trooper and spokesman Steve Schatzel said.The speed limit there is 60 mph.

The trooper pulled the Mercedes over. When the driver, Lincecum, rolled down his window, the trooper smelled marijuana. He asked Lincecum to hand it over, and Lincecum reached into his dashboard console and produced a small pouch and a pipe, Schatzel said.The amount was 3.3 grams, Schatzel said, which is considered only enough for personal use. Lincecum did not appear to be impaired behind the wheel and is not being charged with a felony crime, Schatzel said."Not unless there's something else going on," Schatzel said. "With this amount of marijuana, that's normally the way we deal with it."He said 3.3 grams of marijuana is about the size of a person's thumb.Lincecum "was cited and released," Schatzel said.

Lamping In The Cut

Dear Addy to 35th,

Look, I won't sugarcoat this. I've been really fucking busy. I work multiple jobs, the Bulls are on, and I've got all these Henry Rollins books to get through. I know, I know, there's no excuse. I was at the Rickett's press conference for Christ sakes! So until I can get my post-season tome up later this weekend, I'll leave you with this tease:

Starlin Castro, all up in your area. One!

-JB

Tag 'Em & Bag 'Em

Well, that didn't take too long. According to Mr. Cowley, Jermaine Dye's remaining contract has been bought out for $950,000 by the club. It was a financially prudent move on Kenny William's part to buy out JD's contract at this juncture, and we knew it was going to happen.

In other news, Mark Teahen is now officially a White Sox. As it turns out, money was the sticking point for the whole deal. Kansas City ended up sending him and unknown cash considerations to the White Sox in exchange for Fields and Getz. The contracts of Fields and Getz were worth $410,000 and $401,000, respectively. Teahen's earning about 9 times as much as either of those guys, so some compensation was necessary. But that's not the end of it.

So, all in all, you have the Sox saving roughly $11,050,000 by not extending Dye. They cut an additional $811,000 in trading away Fields and Getz. The Royals sent them x dollars. From that bulk of savings, take away Teahen's $3,575,000 contract and you lighten the team's salary by at least $8,286,000. If the Royals fronted the difference in salary in full (if this were a perfect world), the Sox would be saving $11,050,000. More than likely, Teahen's remaining contract was covered, so you're actually probably looking somewhere in the neighborhood of a million dollars that the Royals sent to Chicago. So all in all, the Sox saved themselves about $9 million in the last two days. God, I love Kenny sometimes.

Now... whose money is that?

-=-=-

Thank you, Jermaine Dye. You were a really great player for us for the last five years. Your stats during this period show it:

742 hits, 164 home runs, 461 runs batted in, a .278 batting average, an on-base percentage of .344, and fielded around 98% error-free. Most Valuable Player of the 2005 World Series.

You were a damn solid player for us, and a large reason why we won the World Series. So thank you. I hope that you find success wherever your career takes you from here.


Like Jim Thome, Jermaine was 100% class at all times. He never caused any trouble, or made a ruckus, or came off arrogant or vain or self-obsessed. The only times I remember seeing him start anything was 1) when Orlando Cabrera stole a base ahead of him in a hitting count and threw off his concentration, and he nearly choked out Cabrera in the dugout, which would've been 100% O.K. in my book and 2) when Toby Hall coated Dye's face with a shaving cream pie after the game, and Dye appeared ready to kill Hall. If you don't understand that, then I suggest you immediately go and put globs of shaving cream in your eyes. Then we'll talk.

Anyway, I'm going to miss the big man in right. I learned a lot by observing him out there.

If I have one consistent memory of Jermaine Dye, it would have to be watching him at the plate, his heel rising and falling like a piston, and the bat head moving back and forth above his head. But it is in a calm way. Jermaine, the stoic warrior. The ball comes from the pitcher's hand, and Dye cracks a screaming line drive up the middle.

On many of those occasions, my wife (girlfriend at the time) would be sitting beside me, watching the game. She never took an interest in baseball before we were together. Inevitably, after Jermaine had ripped a line drive past the pitcher, Missy would turn to me and say "I like those." She wasn't yet sure what to call a line drive. At that point, she was just learning to love the game, but she knew immediately how to identify a great hit when it came off the bat. It always seemed to come off of Jermaine's bat.

"I like those too, honey." And I did. I loved those.

Thank you, Jermaine. I'm gonna miss you. I don't care about this last year. You were clutch.

Now I'm Sold on Mark Teahen

If you browse his Twitter feed, you learn all sorts of stuff. Actually, it's not Mark Teahen's Twitter account. It's his dog's. That's so refreshingly... normal, as odd as that sounds. My bloodhound has his own Facebook account, so I can relate. We dressed him up as a bumblebee for Halloween this year.

Check out how Teahen dressed up his dog for Halloween this year:


And the dog also posted this update on October 14th:

"Medalla light, Puerto Rican beer, delicious & not filling. Si I'm a dog, Si Bebo, perro mi padres no know. Piña Colada mi fav, but ML is gr8"

Reading further, I stumbled across this little gem:

"Hey old fella wearing the long sleeve swim shirt... The man-kini shouldn't accompany the swim shirt, right? Gay or European?"

Then there's this:

"Big shout out to my bro-bros playing World of Warcraft. Stay golden."

On Brett Favre:

"Retiring from Twitter..No I'm back... Tearfully I now retire from Twitter..wait still passion to twit..no can't, thumbs hurt..no I'm back"

-=-=-

I actually like him a lot, personality-wise. I hope he comes here. Maybe we can dress our dogs up like bees and let them hang out.

Teabaggin' & Hypothetical JD

Rumor mills have Sox swapping Getz and Fields for KC utility guru Teahen: more to follow?


According to multiple sources, the White Sox are in the process of acquiring Kansas City Royals jack of all trades Mark Teahen for second baseman Chris Getz and "third baseman" Josh Fields. The deal was announced as complete all throughout the day on Chicago's WSCR-670, but as of yet has not been officially confirmed. What's the holdup?

According to the Sun-Times White Sox beat reporter Joe Cowley: "There were still talks about the possibility of minor-league prospects being involved."

The notorious/exhalted/all-powerful Brian Kovar of STATS weighed in with his professional opinion. He felt the White Sox may have given up too much for Teahen. Could the Sox be getting back a prospect or two in return for giving up two of their own younger players? Don't get me wrong here, I never for one second felt that Getz and/or Fields were the building blocks of a championship contending team... but they certainly have the potential to be serviceable. Fields could make a decent/replacement level first baseman with good enough pop at the plate, and Getz showed that at times he could actually hold his own at the top of our lineup this year. The fielding needs work for both of them, but on the whole they weren't bad players. They weren't exactly good players, however, and that must have been enough in Kenny's mind to send them packing. That's life, I suppose. And that's certainly baseball.

According to most sources, Teahen is slated to start next year in right field. My "bullshit meter" is just blaring. Last year, Teahen hit 12 home runs. Dye- he of the incredible and all-encompassing second half slump- hit 27 of them last year. That's well over double the power output that Teahen provided for his club, and Jermaine had a historically bad campaign from July onward. Where in the presently anemic lineup do the Sox get those 15 home runs back? You certainly can't lean on Carlos Quentin (he might break). Kenny Williams is well aware that his ball club is a home run hitting team, in a home run hitting ballpark.

Here's what I see:

I think Kenny is going to go after Chone Figgins first and foremost, and be quickly outbid by someone else. Plan B?

How's this for a possible scenario: Sox management guilt trips the living hell out of Dye for his shoddy performance (the public has been since the first week of July), and ink him to a short-term "hometown" deal. It really makes sense: he wants to stay here, his family is rooted here, and we've clearly put up with off years before (cough Paulie cough). He's a solid presence on the team, he's a respected leader, and he was a keystone to our winning the Series in '05. Plus, he wanted to choke out Orlando Cabrera last year, which clearly shows sound judgment on Jermaine's part.

All this aside, Dye's second half performance certainly couldn't have earned him much in the way of leverage in the free agent market. Jermaine Dye is getting old, and commanding very little. His mobility in the field is decreasing, and his bat is (now, thanks to last year) suspect. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but this is exactly why I believe he is primed to be the White Sox designated hitter. They're going to let him test free agency, and when he can't land a deal even remotely close to what his option with the Sox would have been ($12M), he's going to come back. In a way, you can argue that the 2009 slump of Jermaine Dye could be a very good thing for the 2010 club.

Remember when Kenny dicked around with Buerhle when contract time came around a couple of years back? Yeah, me too. And that was a "pride of the franchise" type of guy Kenny was playing slap 'n tickle with.

Let's be honest: even if Jermaine sucks beyond belief next year, he should be capable of doubling up, power wise, on the "replacement level" of outfielder which Kenny Williams has set for his 2010 club (Mark Teahen and/or Mark Kotsay). I'd like to see Figgins at the top of our order, but I've steadily become more and more convinced that it's not going to happen... especially now that the Yankees just won it all. Nancy, fire up the pipes. Figgins is gone.

I think Dye's coming back.

Let's say this happens just as I'm saying. If they resign Dye, where does Teahen go? #4 outfielder? I don't think so. He could well be the new third baseman. Teahen played 107 games there last year, and has played the bulk of his career at third (363 at third, 261 in right). The sudden Getz absence opens things up a bit for the Sox: Alexei could shift over to second, where he will have a much harder time screwing up routine outs. He clearly had focus problems last year, which is not something you can afford from your shortstop. I also like the idea of Alexei's offensive numbers coming out of the 2B position. Bacon could then scoot over to short, which is his natural position.

Let's say Figgins falls through, AND someone else inks Dye... I think that then, and only then, Jim Thome gets called back to play. Teahen takes over in right/third, depending on possible moves.

So, in short, Teahen is insurance against losing an actual starting right fielder, and he could actually be our new third baseman. Here's wishful thinking: Teahen's defensive range factor numbers line up comparably at this stage in his career to Joe Crede's range factor numbers, circa 2004. This might be the last sentence I will ever type, for the thundergod Rowand may strike me down with a bolt of lightning from the heavens at any second.

...

I'm still here. Phew. Clearly, the god of XTREME OUTFIELDING has little time to meddle in the affairs of a peon such as myself. Thank you, oh merciful one. You are the Grindiest of Grindy. He was probably too busy skydiving on the back of a tiger and pounding enough Red Bull to kill six men twice over.

You selfish heathen. Don't you realize? That is Aaron Rowand's sacrifice for YOU: XTREME MARTYRDOM- HE HAS CAST HIMSELF INTO THE DEPTHS OF XTREME AWESOMENESS TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR DULL, MUNDANE EXISTENCE!

DOUBLE U DOUBLE U DOUBLE U DOT REMETEE DOT COM ON A LIGHTNING BOLT

LAZERS AND BMX FLIPS

DRAG RACING AND PYROTECHNICS

Anyway, to close my original point, Mark Teahen was also the #39 pick in the 2002 draft, so he obviously had the pedigree to stand out to the talent scouts. Maybe the Kansas City coaching staff could only get through to him to a point? Some quality time with Joey Cora should improve him... and even if he is a slight downgrade from Beckham at third, he'll still be an upgrade from Fields at third.

-=-=-

Terry Boers, whose baseball knowledge I greatly respect, is steadfastly maintaining that Tampa is a team who is in need of a closer. Namely, Bobby Jenks. Tampa is also a team that has Carl Crawford. I would honestly donate my testicles if it meant that the Sox could have a shot at acquiring Carl Crawford. Now THERE'S a top of the order guy for all you Scott Podsednik apologists to watch. See how he doesn't get picked off? See how he can actually track a ball when he's in the field? Revolutionary!

Speaking of Podsednik, Cowley says "There were initial talks with Scott Podsednik to re-sign with the club, but that might have been nothing more than a PR move by the club, allowing them to stall and find out the asking price for Figgins in just over two weeks." Talk to him all day, but I beg of you, do not sign him. Last year was a mirage, and I hope to God that Kenny wasn't fooled... we'll see who was. I bet the Nationals sign him.

-=-=-

Aside from the hypothetical, more reality: the Sox re-signed Mark Kotsay. 1 year, $1.5 million. For a backup outfielder and a backup for Paulie, I like it. I'd rather have Mark Kotsay as my #4 outfielder as opposed to DeWayne Wise or Brian Anderson. Although, I still pine for Anderson's glove. If he could just have learned to bat .260... sigh.

It's when you're pining for Brian Anderson that you know your post has gone too far. Good night.

Year of the Quota

I know they say that the Yankees winning the World Series is good for baseball, but I'm not sure I quite believe it on a personal level. There's personally nothing more devoid of surprise or intensity than watching the Yankees win another championship.

The Yankees have won, as of now, roughly 26% of the possible championship series which have been played since 1903. One every 4 years, pretty much. Is it even enjoyable for a Yankees fan, I mean really, is it enjoyable at this point? Imagine if the Cubs won the Series. THAT would be jubilation... Jarrett would probably cry... and I would absolutely understand it and be actually quite happy for him. Are there any Yankees fans out there crying tonight? Is there anybody out there truly surprised that the Yankees won this championship? They can outspend anybody in professional sports. This year, they signed three- count 'em- three guys in the off-season for $423.5 MILLION.

Is watching Nick Swisher parade around in the same uniform that Thurman Munson wore... is that just making your heart swell up with pride? Do A-Rod's purple lips just make you wake up saying "Good goddamn, it is fantastic to be a Yankees fan"? By the way, if you're all about quasi-embarrassing things re: Alex Rodriguez, check this out. Speaking of The Devil- seriously- speaking of The Devil- what do you think Billy Martin would have to say to Alex Rodriguez? Do you think Casey Stengel would be fond of him as well? Now THAT would be something worth sitting down and observing with a $9 beer.

Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe this is a case of the classic "Pinstripe Envy" which is a constant in American culture. Are the Yankees the best team in baseball? Absolutely they are. Historically, they are always right up there. Would I love for the White Sox to experience comparable success? Is that even a question?

But I tell you what: you can have your George Steinbrenner, and your Reggie Jackson's mustache, and you can have your Joe DiMaggio 1940 season. Ted Williams smoked his ass that year anyway. My point is that it's not what you do, but how you do it. The ends don't always justify the means, unless you're Josef Stalin.

You can have your Mickey Mantle driving drunk, and you should be embarrassed with regards to how poorly your fathers and grandfathers treated Roger Maris as he broke Babe Ruth's record. Also, you can have your lamer-than-shit Yogi Berra sayings. Yogi Berra is the ugliest sonofabitch who will ever walk on this planet, and his longtime reign as the undisputed king of ugliness within your organization has actually just been usurped by that steaming pile of shit, concrete, and chrome you call a "stadium". The one with all the obstructed view seating, the one with the $9 beers, the one with less personality than Comiskey II when it opened... the one with zilch respect for the actual history of your hallowed organization. You screwed up the first one so bad that you had to try to reconstruct it, for double the cost that it would have set you back to properly restore the original.

I'm jealous of the Yankees success. Who wouldn't be?

But man, do I hate the "Yankee way" of doing things. In every aspect. But they're so good. It's such a brutal inner conflict...

-=-=-

Having said all of this, congrats to Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter. Class acts, all the way. You shall be spared.

Go forth, and off-season.