After two years of mind-numbing South Side baseball intrigue leaving me without 90% of my frontal lobe and equally impotent, I have returned to declare that the end is near. The kingdom is most surely at hand. Is it any coincidence that 2012, long-speculated as having some sort of apocalyptic meaning, is going to feature a White Sox team with the projected lead-off hitter being Alejandro De Aza (92.5% impotent now)? When a Mayan worker finished chiseling "2011" into a stone slab, was he suddenly overcome by the feeling that his eyes were being stabbed with a thousand needles as he saw THIS vision?
So much time has passed that I do not even know where to begin attempting to catch up. Suffice it to say, Kenny Williams' choices of 2009- the Alex Rios waiver claim and the Jake Peavy trade- have left the Sox in a handcuffed position. In the case of Rios, $22.7M has been paid to him for a .685 OPS thus far, with another $37M coming before 2015 and a $1M team buyout kicks in. Alex Rios' contract would be more suitable for the NBA, it is so shitty. Peavy, the human embodiment of Roy Oswalt's bulldozer, has been paid $31M over two injury-riddled years. He has another $17M coming to him for this season, after which he will be eligible for a $4M buyout. In the case of both these players, I hope that the Sox have the common sense to cut ties with these albatrosses and move on. Paying out $5M between the two will save roughly $30.5M in cash.
Moving on to other shitty things, the present White Sox 40-man roster makes me want to immediately place my genitals on a car battery. Here is the rundown, with omissions for the pitchers on the 40-man- some things are better unseen. You're welcome.
Starting Pitchers:
- John Danks
- Jake Peavy
- Gavin Floyd
- Chris Sale
- Phil Humber
Zach Stewart (long-relief candidate capable of spot starts)
Relief Pitchers:
- Jesse Crain
- Matt Thornton
- Addison Reed
- Will Ohman
- ?
- ?
- LRP - Zach Stewart? / Dylan Axelrod? / Hector Santiago?
Projected Lineup:
- Alejandro De Aza LF
- Alexei Ramirez SS
- Paul Konerko 1B
- Adam Dunn DH
- Dayan Viciedo RF
- A.J. Pierzynski C
- Brent Morel 3B
- Alex Rios CF
- Gordon Beckham 2B
Bench:
- Eduardo Escobar IF
- Osvaldo Martinez IF
- Brent Lillibridge IF/OF
- Tyler Flowers C
The rapture is coming. Bring it.
